How to Become a Hot Girl & Have a Hot Girl Summer
In this episode of the Hot Girl Psychology podcast, the girlies unpack the question everyone secretly asks: what actually makes someone a “hot girl”? Spoiler alert: It’s not about looks. Exploring the psychology behind confidence, self-concept, and magnetic energy, they break down the habits, mindsets, and daily rituals that create an authentic “hot girl” life.
If you’re a girly who wants to glow up from the inside out, reclaim your confidence, and make this your hottest summer yet, this one is for you.
SPEAKER_02
For our girlies, if you ever like read or research any type of philosophy, pretty much almost all of them, the fundamental is like, so is life, it is what it is. Hermeticism, baby.
SPEAKER_05
Hermeticism is gonna be fine.
SPEAKER_04
Yes, they all are.
SPEAKER_05
Just as above, so below, as within, so without. Like there, there is a balance, and it is our responsibility as human beings to find that balance.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yeah. Yes. Radical acceptance and radical acceptance of discomfort. Radical acceptance is my religion. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
Hot girl psychology. Hot girl psychology. Welcome to Hot Girls Summer by Hot Girl Psychology. We're a girls girl podcast where attractiveness meets attachment wounds.
SPEAKER_01
Here at Hot Girl Psychology, we believe that the darkest parts of your mind are the sexiest.
SPEAKER_05
I'm Emily. I'm a startup founder and CEO and a dietitian. And I put the psycho and psychonutritionist.
SPEAKER_02
And I'm Deanna. I'm a clinical psychotherapist, published dark romance author, and recovering people pleaser. I treat complex trauma by day and I live it by night. What's up, girlies?
SPEAKER_05
Hey. So this is our season finale. We love it. Um, so we are 12 episodes deep and we are done with season one. Yeah. And we are ready to welcome in Hot Girl Summer.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. So if you girlies have been with us from the beginning, or if this is your first time here, welcome. But maybe just talk a little bit about what it means to be a hot girly again. Like who absolutely who is the hot girl? Who is the kind of girl that's gonna have a hot girl summer?
SPEAKER_05
Oh my God. So to me, a hot girl is very much somebody who is like in their element, like in their confidence, in their glow up era or their glowing era. And they are just like they are there for themselves in a way that they have never um experienced before. Yeah. Yeah. So to me, hot girl, being a hot girl, it's all about the mindset. It's all about the way you carry yourself. It's all about the way you think about yourself, it's all about the way yourself we talked about earlier in this season about self-concept and like how your self-concept truly, genuinely just dictates your external world in a way. Because how you see yourself internally is absolutely reflected outside of you. Absolutely. As within, so without, right? What about you? What do you think about being a hot girl?
SPEAKER_02
Definitely a second all of that. We talked a lot about the fact that it truly is a mindset. It's not necessarily a specific look. If you feel like a hot girl, you are a hot girl. If you don't feel like a hot girl, you're not a hot girl. So it's mindset, it's a lot of self-concept. It is knowing who you are, yes, projecting who you are openly, yeah, and liking who you are. Yeah. You know, I love that. And I feel like the hot girl is just so unapologetically herself. Yes. She takes up space. She constantly is figuring out what she wants and going after it. I love that. So I love the she it's either a glow up or glowing. Yes. I yeah, I definitely agree with that.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, it's it's in the era of like where you're not questioning who you are, where you're not like apologizing for who you are, but also just you don't I I love that you said take up space. Like you don't shrink yourself. Yes, you know, you don't make yourself smaller, you don't, you don't apologize for where you are in life and you don't apologize for where you're going.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. The the Hawkerly does not apologize for who she is. Yes.
SPEAKER_05
Yes. Yes. We are not apologizing. This is like our little our little uh sneak peek for season two. We are so much more comfy because it is so much fun to get dressed up and like to the nines and just like be as hot as fuck as humanly possible. But oh my god, there is nothing hotter than a girl who is comfortable. Yes, every dye will say that.
SPEAKER_02
100%, yeah, comfortable in her skin. And a lot of times you need to have comfortable fabric on you in order to be comfortable in your skin.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. Yeah. For this episode, I went and bought a um a cute little like sleep shirt from Target, and it is so cozy. It's like like modal fabric and like rayon, and I'm like, oh my god, I love it.
SPEAKER_02
I love a good nightgown.
SPEAKER_05
Me too.
SPEAKER_02
I am a nightgown slut.
SPEAKER_05
I love that.
SPEAKER_02
Like that is my thing.
SPEAKER_05
That I believe that. That that feels like a very Deanna thing.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
That's awesome.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. But yeah, we've talked a lot about this on the podcast, but a hot girly lives a life of meaning.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
She's true to her values, she's in her power.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
She uses things like bad experiences, like trauma, like jealousy, like heartbreak, and uses it to constantly learn and to constantly grow. Yes. And yeah, just uses it to her benefit and just to always be leveling up, you know.
SPEAKER_04
I like that, leveling up.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. It's not about always feeling like this is exactly who I am, and I feel confident every single moment of every single day. Yeah. But it's always striving to that.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02
I feel like the hot girl, she's very in her power, she's very in her feminine energy.
unknown
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
To me, the hot girl mindset is your higher self.
SPEAKER_03
I love that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Anytime somebody talks about that when they talk about your higher self, that's what I think about. It's like your inner hot girl is your higher self. I love it. Because she is so rooted in self-love, self-actualization, self-acceptance, and just lives a life of peace and strength.
SPEAKER_05
Emotional luxury.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yeah. Yes, emotional luxury. Yes. She she just romanticizes her life.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely.
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Every second of every day.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely. And she is all about like the self-care. She's about like you know, the like recuperation. She's all about restoring herself when she's felt depleted. Being a hot girl is all about choosing you every day with full intention, without apology. Yes. Every single day. It's the same one. He's he's so shitty. Um, why is Nashville such a bitch? He's a fuck boy. He's a fucking fuckboy. This fly that's flying around in our studio. Our studio. My dining room is a fuck boy. He's a fuck boy. There's a fuck boy in your dining room.
SPEAKER_00
How do you feel about that? You know, it's not the first fuckboy in this dining room, and it's probably won't be the last yeah. Let it be the last.
SPEAKER_02
Did you hear that, God? It's me, Margaret. Let it be the last.
SPEAKER_05
Oh my god. So real. So I part of being a hot girl is choosing the last fuckboy that sits in your dining room.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yes, exactly. Yes. Okay. I think we should go into a little bit of just the most important things that we've talked about and like the most important aspects of being a hot girl so that you can make sure that you can go into hot girl summer really feeling like a hot girl because we can talk about it in the abstract a bunch, but I think that it's also important to talk about tangibly how you can apply the hot girl mentality.
SPEAKER_05
I love that. So, so basically, like being willing to accept yourself where you are is one of the first steps and the most important steps in in like going into your competence era.
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. Like learning. So part of accepting who you are is not just being willing to be happy about who you are, but it's also like a uh like I how do I describe this? It's it's a conscious awareness of what is going on behind the scenes in your head, in your heart, in your body, and your mind kind of thing. And your willingness to accept when you're not fully happy with where you are and make changes to like land safely where you want to be. Yes. Yeah, yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_02
So so a hot girl feels her feelings, identifies her feelings, allows herself to have them.
SPEAKER_05
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
And then is like, all right, now what do we do about this?
SPEAKER_05
A thousand percent. Yes. Like there is no hot girl out there who doesn't like cry to get it out.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. There's yes, hot girls cry. So much. If you take away anything from this podcast, please know that hot girls cry hard. Hard. Hot girls feel their feelings. Yes.
SPEAKER_05
I like you're even like touching your chest. Like, that's exactly no, like literally that is like a somatic sign that like you are feeling your feelings. Like we being in touch with yourself means being in touch with your body, which means being in touch with your feelings. And your nervous system inextricably links your mind and your body together. And there's no subverting that. Yes. So to me, like a hot girl like really accepts herself where she is and who she is and where she's at, and like does not force force is really uh like the right word, does not force herself to be inside a container that has absolutely no size for her.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yeah, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. I do think that that's a big issue with hot girls because it's a big issue with women, yes, is being put into a box. Um and also a lot of times demonizing certain aspects of life, certain aspects of being a woman, yeah, and uh adding shame to it, and then making it in turn bad, and then that just makes your life bad. For example, jealousy is something that we talked about. It is, yeah. And we talked about the fact that if you take the shame out of jealousy, if you reframe it and say, This isn't a bad thing, I'm jealous right now, and that's okay. Yeah, you can see jealousy as simply just something to learn from. It's information, it's a data point, absolutely, and it shows you what you want and what you care about the most. Once the shame is taken away from the jealousy, you can identify it, validate it, then learn from it, use it as a teaching technique. Absolutely. What do you think? What how do you think a hot girl really deals with jealousy?
SPEAKER_05
Ugh.
SPEAKER_02
Because it comes up even for the hottest of thirls.
SPEAKER_05
Literally, yes, like the most beautiful women on earth will still feel jealous because there's just there's always something. There's always something to reach for. There's always something. And from my point of view, like being jealous is it's a goal in mind without even realizing that it's a goal, right? So it's like it's a desire to be sometimes it's it is it does become pathological and it's like a desire to be different than who you are. But more often than not, that's your nervous system signaling to you that what you are currently occupying has not enough space for you.
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
That it's that you've outgrown the configuration that you're in, whatever that may be, the relationship you're in, the like job you're in, the family you're in, whatever it is, it's just not working anymore. It's it's too small for you. Yeah. It's too small. And so when you the reason why I love that you said take up space is because jealousy is one of those things that absolutely takes up space. And if we hold ourselves back from accepting that we have jealous tendencies, we will go crazy. Yeah. That's the way I can put it. Yeah. So from my point of view, like that willingness to accept that jealousy is part of just existing in life and looking at it as information. Yeah. Same thing you said, looking at it as information as as like a guiding point of okay, if you're jealous and you want A, B, C, D, E, F, G, it's okay to reorganize your life around getting A, B, C, D, F G. Yeah. It's perfectly fine. Absolutely. And more often than not, when you look at your jealousy as an indicator that you want something and let that drive you to achieve that something, you will be so much happier. Absolutely. So much calmer. Yeah. And just like so much more accepting of yourself because we all experience jealousy and envy. Again, even the most confident person experiences jealousy and envy. And I I learned from a really young age that you should look at it as jealousy is a sign that you don't have everything that you want. And it's okay to start building a life that gives rise to you being able to get what you want.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. Yeah. So we should always be wanting things. We should always be wanting to grow. Yes. So there's no there doesn't need to be an issue in seeing maybe something that somebody else has and wanting that as well. It doesn't mean that you hate the person. Absolutely. It doesn't mean that you hate yourself.
SPEAKER_01
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02
It just means that there's something missing. And now you know what it is. So go get that thing. So whether it's you're jealous of somebody's clothes, make a Pinterest board, get some get creative, get some make some better clothes, get some better clothes. If you're jealous of somebody's career, maybe it's time for you to pivot. Absolutely. You know, but make the moves.
SPEAKER_05
Yes. Jealousy is always, always, always a sign that there's something that's not right in your current life. Always. And I mean that's one of the things that we talked about is like jealousy is is information. It is signal. It is not noise. It is not something shameful. It is not something that like gets in the way of like your best life. It is something that indicates where your best life should be going, where you want it to be going. And you just have to be willing to listen to that signal and follow it in order to achieve your best self.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Thanks.
SPEAKER_05
It's so real.
SPEAKER_02
So something else that we talked about, and this is a really important one. And we did do an entire episode on this, and it was very fun if you want to check it out. But it's power.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
And it how to stay in your power, how to find your power as a hot girlie, and how to stay in your power as a hot girly. And we talked about the fact that power is the ability to get what you want and the ability to make impact and that there are power dynamics in every interaction that we will ever have. It is the fundamental of social science. So do you have any advice or quick tips for our girlies on how they can find their power if they don't feel powerful and then how they can stay in their power?
SPEAKER_05
If you're only finding power behind closed doors, you're not powerful, you're just scared of being powerful.
SPEAKER_02
Ooh, interesting.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. So like if power is something that you, and when I say behind closed doors, I don't mean like, you know, in like your private, like super, super like intimate life. But I what I really mean is like if power is something you can only find like at home. And this this may be more actually for men, honestly, but like if power is something you can only find at home, then you're not actually powerful. If power is something that you can't like find outside of your house, then power is not accessible to you. So if you are, for example, like you only feel safe um speaking up inside your house, then you're just practicing. Yeah. It's not, it's not actually like doing it out, quote unquote, in the field, right of like existing. It's more you're doing it behind closed doors, you're doing it behind the scenes, and it's it's it's just practice. So the advice that I have for for girlies who are like trying to learn how to be in their power is take a small, extraordinarily uncomfortable step toward being powerful outside the home. Learn how to hear your voice at work, learn how to hear your voice in friendships, learn how to hear your voice in your creative expressions, like whatever it is, be willing to do something that is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is how you acquire power.
SPEAKER_00
Yes. Yes. Yeah. I love that you said that.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. Yeah. Because people get comfortable at home. They get comfortable at home. And if power only shows up at home, then you're not actually comfortable with your power.
SPEAKER_02
Clearly not. No. Yeah. In order to get what you want, you do need to show that power outside of your home. It's rare that you're just gonna want, you know, the things that you want, you're always going to get at home. It's rare that that happens. So, and I'm big on the what you said about the like power is like a big willingness to be uncomfortable doing it over and over again and being brave enough to do it and accepting discomfort.
SPEAKER_05
I like that word brave.
SPEAKER_02
That's really good.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, the courage.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, because it does take courage. It does. It takes it takes a lot of like just talking yourself into it and just like saying the right things. The I don't know if I would say like affirmations, but just like it's gonna be okay. The worst thing that could happen is ABCDFG.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, decatastrophize.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, oh yeah, I've never heard that word before. Decatastrophize. I love that. Yeah, yeah, that's good. So, like decatastrophizing the intensity of what is the worst that could happen. Rarely is the answer anything bad. Like your nervous system will tell you it's the worst thing could ever possibly happen. You're gonna fucking die. Yes, the sky is falling. You're dead. Like you actually are already dead. So, like, don't even worry. But like realistically, more often than not, when you feel like slighted by somebody, or you feel like you want to upgrade like your identity, or you want to understand power dynamics like at work or within your French friend group or something like that, being willing to try something new. Yeah, it's the willingness to try something new that is actually the very first step of power.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, out of your comfort zone.
SPEAKER_05
A thousand percent.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
And then that willingness to try something new results in you inevitably doing something new. And that is what gives rise to power. It's the it's the repeated exposure to situations that don't fucking hit you. Yeah. So exposure therapy.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, percent. Exposure therapy. Success of approximation.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yes. It's yeah.
SPEAKER_02
And if you do do something new that's uncomfortable and it still sucks, like you'll be fine.
SPEAKER_05
Most you're gonna be totally yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, either it's going to be a lot of growth and something great, or it's just gonna be something that's uh, and that's fine. Yeah. And decatastrophizing, I I use this all the time. It's a DBT intervention, and it is the you probably just use it on your own, honestly, because it is the most simple thing ever. It is think about a situation that you're anxious about. What is the absolute worst case scenario? Yes. And this only works if the worst case scenario isn't death. So um, of course. But uh, so it doesn't work for health anxiety, I'll say that. Um, but what is the worst case scenario? Now, how likely is the worst case scenario to come true?
SPEAKER_05
Okay. Now I you're right. I have used this. I've just never heard it called decad- Okay, yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_02
And then if the worst case scenario does come true, if all the stars align, worst case scenario happens, how long until I'll be okay again? One day, one week, one month, one year. Yeah. And usually you always find you will be okay again.
SPEAKER_05
It's and it's more often than not, like in a month.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
At worst. Like more often than not, most people will be fine like in a month, because it's like, okay, well, this breakup or this, you know, like food that I eat or like whatever, you're okay. Yeah. Yes. And like that's that's actually a big piece of power, is like the willingness to tell yourself, like, it's okay.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. You know, it's okay. It's going to be okay. It's always been okay. It hasn't always been good, but it's always been okay. We've always survived this.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, we've always survived this. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Because there are going to be periods of time where we are just surviving. Yes. Such is life. You know, it is what it is. And the way you get to thriving is by surviving the survival times and choosing, choosing to be conscious about doing the right thing for yourself once you're not in survival. Yeah. Which does require like a sense of orientation toward am I surviving? Am I thriving? But at the end of the day, a willingness to recognize that life will always ebb and flow. Life comes in seasons, just like we see seasons, the leaves come, the leaves fall. Such is life. Same thing in our lives. There's always going to be a shit period, there's always going to be a golden period. Right. A thousand percent of the time. And it just comes and goes and comes and goes. The goal for every person who wants to be in their power is to be consistent within yourself. Yes. Through the ups and downs, right? Like you see spring come, you see fall come, you see winter come, you don't like flinch. Right. The leaves fall from the trees and you don't freak out. Right. It's the same thing when it comes to seasons in your life. So true.
SPEAKER_02
So true. I love a good analogy. No. And uh, so I love that analogy. Oh yeah. Like, yeah, like you, you don't freak out when the leaves fall and the leaves die. It's it's so is life. Honestly, if you ever read for our girlies, if you ever like read or research any type of philosophy, pretty much almost all of them, the fundamental is like, so is life. It is what it is. Hermeticism, baby. Hermeticism. It's gonna be fine.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, they all are. And I literally have a sign in my office. That says as above, so below. Yeah, because like which literally just means like it is what it is. No, it doesn't matter. My ex-husband will always say it's a tautology. Yeah. It's just like the is it is what it is. Um, A equals A, B equals B, I think the transitive property of mathematics. Yeah. But like that actually translates to like real life. It's like it is, yeah. You know, like it just as above, so below, as within, so without. Like there, there is a balance, and it is our responsibility as human beings to find that balance.
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Radical acceptance and radical acceptance of discomfort.
SPEAKER_05
Radical acceptance is my religion.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. And even I actually feel like the most powerful people are the people that can accept that they don't feel powerful all of the time.
SPEAKER_05
Oh my God. You know, and I completely agree with you.
SPEAKER_02
We talked about quiet power, loud power. Both can be very effective. But I think maybe sometimes the problem with loud power is that people who are used to having loud power feel like they always need to have it. And then that's where they fuck up. That's where they make mistakes. That's where they abuse their power in an obvious way. Yeah. Because they're so uncomfortable not having it. Yes, because they they don't have identity outside of it. Right, right. Exactly. Yes. Yes. And that's a big part of power as well. It can't be your entire identity. And you need to try to obtain power that can't be taken away from you. A thousand. Something that you have built, that you have created that can't possibly. So we talked about this with like money and beauty, and those are all currencies, but they're not power.
SPEAKER_04
Right.
SPEAKER_02
The power is the ability to make the money, the intelligence that you have, the wisdom.
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Instead of beauty, the magnetism, the drive to take care of yourself. Yeah. Those are things that can't be taken away from you. Or not really.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. But they ebb and flow, but at the end of the day, they're still yours.
SPEAKER_02
Right. Exactly. And there might be times that you decide that maybe you don't want as much power, and that's okay too. Yeah. You know, like you're good taking a backseat. And but just knowing that you can have power and not being afraid to, I don't even want to say take it, but like earn it.
unknown
Okay.
SPEAKER_02
You know, like earn it and like work for it.
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
You know, because you talked about also people who have power gluttony. Yeah. And that those are the people that are entitled. They don't earn, they demand, yeah. And they expect. Yeah. And that's not good. So yeah, like instead of like taking your power, and I know that that's a common term, but instead of that, I kind of like better earning power, working for power, absolutely. Growing power, building power.
SPEAKER_05
Everything is a path. Everything is a path. And with within a path are multiple events that take place and like they are all designed to grow you.
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
And so in order to get your power, like earning it becomes okay. So I have to do this, this, and this. And this sucks because of this, that sucks because of that. This, you know, like it becomes like a like kind of like weighing the pros and pros and cons, so to speak.
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
And power always uh results in a willingness to accept things as they are. A thousand percent.
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
That radical acceptance piece is so huge. Yeah. Because you'll stay dwelled on some bullshit for the longest fucking time if you do not radically accept that there is going to always be some kind of imbalance. If you are not willing to follow the ebbs and flows of life, you will absolutely be knocked off of your horse. It'll be fuck you and the horse you already in on times 10,000. Yes. Like in every way. And so if you part of being in your power is like a willingness to just kind of weather the storms of existing, because there are endless storms when it comes to existing.
SPEAKER_06
Yes.
SPEAKER_05
And like your willingness to weather the emotional precipitation, the social precipitation, whatever, of life, like gives you an opportunity to really determine who you are. Yeah. Which also fed into our self-concept, like all of our episodes about just like, who are you? And it gives you an opportunity to just be calm and chill without having to perform.
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely. Yes. Absolutely. I I completely agree. I think that yet the most powerless thing that you can do is not accept the world for the way that it is. That's what we call like cognitive distortions, is thinking that the world needs to be fair or having that black and white thinking. Absolutely. And or thinking that the world owes you something because you've been through a lot, you know?
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
So being able to accept the world as it is, it doesn't mean you have to be happy about it. It doesn't mean that you have to be happy about your situation. You can be sad for yourself. You can have empathy for yourself. A thousand percent. But yeah, I think accepting it, radically accepting it, is honestly the biggest piece of power. And I don't know if we even said much about that in the episode. So I'm glad that we retouched on that. No, me too, me too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
No, I'm a huge believer in radical acceptance. It's one of my favorite skills to teach people. I will teach anybody on earth radical acceptance. It is the hardest thing to do. Because, like, how do you accept that these horrible things happen? Well, you just say that literally, like literally, these things happen to people. Like we have heard about these things for years and years. And if it happens to you, you already know it exists.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
You know?
SPEAKER_02
Life isn't fair. We don't get what we deserve. We just get what we get and we have to do something with it.
SPEAKER_05
Never your fault, always your responsibility.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I I I love that saying.
SPEAKER_05
Me too. It's like it is, it's a radical acceptance saying. It is, yeah. It's like it well, I mean, you didn't like you did not ask for your parents to treat you this way, for your partners to treat you this way, et cetera, et cetera. But it's your responsibility to work through the shit that happened. Right. You know, because otherwise you're just gonna keep falling into the same patterns, which is where you lose your power.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_05
Patterns take power away from you.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, they do, for sure. Yeah. You touched on something super important as well. And this we also did an entire episode about this, but we have to talk about this because this is, as we've said over and over again, the most important aspect in becoming a hot girly. And the most important aspect for you girlies going into hot girl summer, self-concept.
SPEAKER_05
Self-fucking concept. Yeah. Yes. How you see yourself dictates how you interact with the world.
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05
The as within, so without principle of Hermeticism is so fucking real. So I'm I'm obsessed with like hermetic or I'm obsessed with philosophy in general. And hermetic philosophy is really cool because it's like a very balanced form of philosophy. It's very much just like everything is what it is. Right. And so it's it's a beautiful, like radical acceptance. Just like where you see patterns here, these patterns will evolve everywhere. Right. Like it's it is what it is. And so this willingness to see the world outside of you, how people treat you, what you um concentrate your energy, uh, like your focus and attention around, those kinds of things give rise to confirmation bias. Yes. Confirmation bias and then results in you saying, Well, it is this way and it's always gonna be this way, and such is life. Right. So, like you see, for example, let's say you believe school buses are only yellow. You're only ever gonna see yellow school buses, despite the fact that there are blue ones, there are black ones, there are red ones, there are pink ones, whatever. Like we live in Nashville, there's 10,000 fucking school buses that drive around as like little um uh party buses. Yes, yes. There's like so many choices. But like no matter what, like if you believe school buses are always gonna be yellow, like you are only going to see yellow school buses from here on out, despite the fact there are so many. For sure. So, like if you're if your internal belief is you're a piece of shit, guess what you're gonna find out? You're a piece of shit.
SPEAKER_02
Everywhere you will and you will always have that's that's what we talked about, internalized beliefs. That's a big that's the darkest part of your self-concept, but probably the most important, and it is the worst things that you believe about yourself. And if you continue to believe these things, you will always find proof to back them up.
SPEAKER_05
A thousand percent. And and the funny thing too is that if you decide to believe that you're a you're the greatest person on earth and you may as well be the messiah, guess what you're gonna find? Evidence that supports that.
SPEAKER_00
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
No thousand, like no, no question about it, because of the fact that genuinely how we feel internally, how we identify internally, how we connect to ourselves internally, always gets reflected externally because we choose to orient our nervous system around information that confirms this is reality. Right. Always. Right. We will always our nervous system will always take us toward what we know.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. And it would rather believe something that it's heard before, something that it already knows and is familiar with versus something that is helpful, true, feels good. Absolutely. Or it's it's always going to prioritize familiarity over growth. Yes. So you need to constantly make that choice to choose growth.
SPEAKER_05
Consciousness is everything because your nervous system. So the way it works is your brain has all these grooves in it and you just follow the pathways that are the path of least resistance. Anytime you have electricity, I mean to which we have electricity in our brains and our hearts, et cetera, we will always follow the path of least resistance. Electricity wants to follow the path of least resistance resistance because it's just like a through line that just goes. So, same thing in our nervous system. We have these grooves in our brain that we have been going through over and over and over again for years. And to create a new groove, to create a new neural pathway, to create a new decision is absolutely more energetically costly to your body's way of uh like homeostatically existing than it is to just do the same thing that you've been doing over and over and over again.
SPEAKER_02
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05
Always, always. So to create a new neural pathway, it's literally fucking insanely uncomfortable because you're genuinely carving new anatomical structures. New anatomical structures. It's no different than getting a tattoo or a piercing, or even just getting your hair bleached where it like your head starts itching and your like scalp is you're like, oh my God, please give me a rat tail comb because I'm dying. So like it's the same thing.
SPEAKER_00
Right.
SPEAKER_05
A thousand percent. So it's never ever gonna be comfortable to do the uncomfortable thing because the uncomfortable thing physically feels uncomfortable. But when you slow yourself down and you check in with the reality that it's not harming you, you can actually make progress toward the right thing for you.
SPEAKER_02
Right. We are we're always gonna want to go with our primal instincts with our reptilian brain. Oh my god, and especially when you I want to say, like, if when you're in like your twenties, maybe like early 30s, definitely any time before that. Yes, usually like it's it's not right and you need to learn and grow. Um, and then I think that you can get to a place where even your reptilian brain does want to help you, even your nervous system recognizes good things as familiar, but it takes a lot of consciousness. It takes you going against the grain, doing things that feel unnatural because they are helpful to you.
SPEAKER_04
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02
But also when it comes to self-concept, we I think we got into like the very deep parts of it and the darker parts, but it can also be as simple as like, what do you like? What do you not like? What are your favorite things? And a lot of times when I work with clients, I'll start really lighthearted like that because a lot of people are scared of self-concept work. And anytime somebody tells me, I don't really know who I am, immediately I'm like, we're doing self-concept work. I love that. And a lot of people don't like who they are simply because they don't know who they are. And that's why this is so important. Get to know yourself.
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
And then usually you do like yourself once you get to know yourself. And if there's anything that you don't like about yourself, we can either change it if it's something that is damaging and needs to be changed, or we can learn to love it. We can learn to accept it. Always and knowing the difference between the two can be hard. And that's why going to therapy can be helpful. Also, we talked about values, yeah, which is very important. Values, what you care about the most, where you place your meaning and living a life according to that. We talked a little bit about narrative therapy, the story of your life. We did talk about a values inventory, which I think is really helpful if if you're looking to work on your self-concept and just want any quick tips like values inventories and uh journaling. Like online.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, and journaling prompts specified online.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yeah. Journaling with prompts can be really helpful. Um, if you just look up any type of self-concept activities, yeah, you know, they're I think that they're so much fun.
SPEAKER_05
That's my favorite thing. It's really interesting. The self, so the self as like a concept is something that uh Carl Jung introduced, or was it Freud that introduced it? I don't know. It doesn't matter, they're old white men.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. I want to say Freud introduced it. They but they they had different everybody has a different uh version of what the self means. Yes. But yeah, I think that Freud introduced it.
SPEAKER_05
Either way, an old white man introduced it back in like the 30s or 40s, where we basically realized for the first time as human beings that we assign narratives to ourselves, which we've never like uh like there were times where that was the case, but more often than not because we were also siloed and we didn't have like globalization, right? Narratives were more community oriented.
SPEAKER_02
And so half down, third, they were generational, they were cultural.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely, which is exactly it's it's part of what generational trauma is. Part of generation generational trauma is well, this is the way it's always been.
SPEAKER_00
Yes. Yes, I love that you said that.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, it's so true. Yes, so for the people in the back, fucking literally, absolutely. Part of generational trauma is that, well, this is the way it's always been, but just because it's the way it's always been doesn't mean it's the right way to do it. So part of like self-concept work is like understanding that we have not, as like a species, really identified with a self until the Western world came to be. Yeah. And like more often than not, especially in like East Asian Asian traditions and other like non-dual traditions, there is no self. And so when you think about the self-concept, it is something that is actually relatively new.
SPEAKER_01
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
Like in terms of the scientific component of it, it is relatively new. Yes. Because we we like it's always kind of been there lingering in the background, but at the end of the day, it's not actually a real thing.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. You know? Oh, I think that that that can be why it's uncomfortable and some certain people don't like it. It can seem indulgent to do to do something like that, to do self-concept work, to even go to therapy, go to coaching and talk about yourself for an hour to do a podcast and talk about yourself. So you know, it can seem very indulgent, but what the fuck is wrong with that?
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely preach, preach. Yes, because what is wrong with being self-indulgent? Very little, nothing, very little.
SPEAKER_02
Like there, there are no rules, and you're not going to get a medal for not being self-indulgent. You are not going to get a medal for not taking up space. Absolutely. And I honestly think a lot of you feel like you are going because I used to feel that way.
SPEAKER_05
I used to feel that way where it's just like, oh, everybody else matters. And that's not true.
SPEAKER_02
Everybody else matters, and I don't. And that makes me a better, like a really good person. Yes. And better than I used to be, or whatever it is, whatever story you're trying to fix, whatever trauma you're trying to pretend didn't happen, you're like, oh, if I just don't take up space, nothing will hurt. And I'll just yeah, I don't know. Get a get a medal for it. And you and you don't.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, yes. No world, and I are 50 and we don't see all the people who like avoid their self-concept. Because I see people, you see people in their 50s, I see people in their 50s. Like when you avoid, when you avoid getting to know yourself.
SPEAKER_02
A lot of people, actually. Oh my god. Yeah. And actually, a lot of people who are in their well, I say like 45 and above. Yes. And uh need a lot of self-concept work. And because it was a generational thing, it is, they like Gen X and before that tended to really believe that that was a very indulgent thing versus Gen Z millennials and Gen Z. And that's a reason why a lot of people were millennials and a lot of the older generations hate us because they think that we are very self-indulgent. But yeah, again, you guys tried it the other way, didn't work. We're doing it differently.
SPEAKER_05
Literally. Let's see if this works. Yeah, seriously. Like, and that's that's human evolution, right?
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Like in our self-concept episode, we explained how we were like on the spot, but we explained how we view our own self-concepts. Yeah. And that can totally, it's supposed to be ever changing. You're not gonna be the same age or in the same environment or in the same place that you are right now ever again. So, and it's okay if it's different on any given day. And it's okay if that reflects in your attitude, behavior, the way you dress, you know, that's all okay. But just accepting where you are when you are.
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Always without and just with curiosity, not judgment. If you decide that you're like, oh, I feel like a different person than I did yesterday, that's fine. Just notice it.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely. Must notice it. That is the biggest thing. Just notice it. Yeah. Like accept it for where it is, what it is, where you are, what you are. Like, don't don't swim upstream if you don't have to. Yeah. You know, like it's okay. Part of the path of least resistance is a willingness to accept yourself where you are.
SPEAKER_02
Oh, yes. Yeah. 100%. Absolutely. So, so something that I wanted to talk about in terms of hot girl summer is how can our girlies be in their feminine energy, this hot girl summer? Because we did a whole episode on that, and that was my favorite episode. But what what are your thoughts? What how can our girlies stay in their feminine energy with pride this hot girl summer?
SPEAKER_05
I love this question. So I am a big believer in go and just express yourself through your body, through your mind, through your soul. And what that looks like for me historically, that has looked like going when I lived in Seattle. I would go to like all these yacht parties and like all kinds of stuff where there was just lots of fun, lots of stuff going on. But like it was a great opportunity to just dress the way I wanted to dress, be the way I wanted to be, carry my body, my energy the way I wanted to carry it. And I found that that was like one of the best ways was just like being around people who have a lot of energy and bringing your own energy to the table.
SPEAKER_02
That's fun.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
That's fun. I like that. And I really, really like the self-expression. Yes. That's a huge aspect of feminine energy, is the ability to express yourself.
SPEAKER_04
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02
And that's the difference between the feminine and the masculine.
SPEAKER_05
A thousand percent. Feminine energy is so expressive, it's so open, it's so like it flourishes.
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
SPEAKER_05
Like I think of like flowers, I think of spring, I think of just like becoming.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, I love that. Yeah. I think of flowers and blooming too. I also think of running water and flowing like a creek or a river or something. Like it the feminine energy is so expressive. It is intuitive, it's creative, it is empathetic, it's soft, it is romantic.
SPEAKER_05
It is so romantic. It is romantic and like intense in a way that is just like safe. Yes. It's it's safe intensity. It's it's um contained intensity. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Which I think is just romance. I think so too. Yeah. Yeah. And and we can roam we can romanticize anything. It doesn't necessarily need to be sexual, sexual of in nature necessarily, but you can romanticize anything. To me, the feminine energy, whenever I think about it, it's like a hot bath with candlelight and rose petals.
SPEAKER_05
Oh my god, it's so true. Like one of the best lush bath bombs.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yes. Because it's also sensual and seductive, but it's very sweet and very it's it's receiving.
SPEAKER_05
It's you're seeing open. Yes. And like part of being open is just like expressing yourself in a very deep way, which is where that romance, that like seduction, that depth really comes from.
SPEAKER_02
For sure. Yeah. And we love feminine energy. We talked about the difference between that and masculine energy. Like you said, it is more kind of hard, secure, stable. It's logical. It is. But it's also the doer. The doer, it is the problem solver in you. And so we need that part as well. Yes. And to me, the the when I think of masculine energy, I think of a very like like firm handshake. Okay. You know what I mean? Like a firm handshake as like a congratulations after achieving something great.
SPEAKER_05
It's it's all about the discipline, the master. Yes, the discipline. Yes. The spirit of femininity is something that just carries. A lot of well, it carries power as a piece of it, but really what it carries is like a soft power. Yes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
Yes, for sure.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely. And so it just it takes this like um like we think about the masculine as very disciplined, very continued, very boundaried. The wild feminine just flows. Yes. And it grows. And it it it almost spreads. You know, it's very like um, I think about it like a like a local or a a generalized thing versus a localized thing. Yes. Masculine energy is very localized. Localized, goal-oriented. Yes, yes, exactly. Yeah. Targeted. There is an end to this means. Yeah. A thousand percent. Like it's it's very much like there is a beginning and there is an end. And like that is the that is the and that's a good part.
SPEAKER_02
We need that. A thousand percent. Everyone should have both masculine and feminine, but you almost will never and don't need to ever have an equal balance. Yes. Of both of them. You just need to find a balance that works for you and a balance that you like and feel good about. I've learned recently that I we've talked about this before in one of our episodes, but that sometimes when people are very in their masculine energy and it doesn't matter their sex or gender, yeah, but sometimes I will get softer in that case to see if they will meet me because I do find that most people want to be soft. They just think that they can't be.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
But what I've actually been realizing is that sometimes people who are very in their masculine energy and are very hard actually make me feel like I can't be soft. And I start to try to meet them where they're at. And we also talked about this. My version of mascul, like very masculine is cold versus like aggressive and hard. Yes. And I don't like to be cold. I don't want to be cold. So I'm kind of just like, I don't, I don't need to do that. I don't really need to be friends with people that make me feel like I can't be soft. Yes, you know, like because if I can't be soft, to me, that means that I can't be safe. And you can't be myself. Yeah. And because I'm I'm literally like the epitome of soft feminine. So yeah. So if I can't be myself, then yeah, like why am I friends with you? And why am I so worried about meeting you where you are and that and how I make you feel and if you like me, like I should also be concerned, do I like you? Yeah. And uh, how do you make me feel? And so that's been a thing. Uh, and I've been thinking about that a lot more recently of just like what I want in a friend. Yeah. And it it's it doesn't mean that they have to be soft as well, but they have to make me feel like I can be soft.
SPEAKER_05
I love that. So, like you you need a soft place to land.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, yeah. I like, yeah. Oh, that was beautiful, very poetic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of, we did talk about the dark feminine versus soft feminine. Yes. And sometimes it's called dark feminine or light feminine, and I just don't like the word light.
SPEAKER_05
She's like, no lights in this house.
SPEAKER_02
I'm too emo for that. So I like to call it soft feminine. But if you prefer light feminine, it's the same shit. Um, and so we talked about the dark feminine, and this is a very kind of like, well, it's just feminine in general, but I think a lot of times like the way that we dress and stuff, it's like we're we're leaning into our dark feminine energy a lot here.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
And um, which is great. And I actually find that a lot of girlies struggle more to get into the dark feminine versus the soft feminine, um, because the dark feminine is very sexy. It's and a lot of people feel uncomfortable with that. But it's very sexy, it's very smart, it's strong, it's mindful, it is mysterious. Yes.
SPEAKER_05
I look at the dark feminine as like a signal to attract the masculine energy. When I say masculine, I don't mean like a uh A mab or like a sign male at birth. Like I literally just mean like the energy that a person brings. And sometimes it's masculine, sometimes it's feminine. When I think about like the dark feminine, she is making up for the lack of masculine energy that she wants to receive. And it's it's more like a um a transition period, kind of because more often than not, what will happen is there is a place where she will soften entirely.
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
SPEAKER_05
A thousand percent entirely.
SPEAKER_02
And she might choose to be more dark feminine at certain times to get what she wants.
SPEAKER_05
Always.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. Because the dark feminine gets what she wants. It does.
SPEAKER_05
Holy shit, it does. Like it is one of the most powerful things that we have as women. One of the most powerful things that we have is like um, just like people who identify as women. It is one of the most powerful things you have is that that dark feminine energy. And all of us have it. Every person on earth has it if they're willing to get in touch with it.
SPEAKER_02
I'm trying to think of actually, I can think of like uh men with like so cisgendered straight men with dark feminine energy. Yes, oh my god. And they're like all on the CW. I they're all they're all like vampires on this on the CW shows. Yeah, literally, but but I I definitely think it's possible. I feel like I've met, yeah, definitely met people before. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
I have totally dated a dark feminine guy.
SPEAKER_02
I don't want anybody more dark feminine than me though, because I'm like, I need to be running the sh I need to be running the show here a little bit.
SPEAKER_05
You are the most dark feminine I've ever met in my entire life.
SPEAKER_02
I feel the same way about you. What? Yes, yes, I literally feel the same way about you. So nice.
SPEAKER_05
I'm like full of like really dark energy.
SPEAKER_02
Well, no, we we love dark energy. It's a dark dark is good. Yeah. FYI. It's intense. Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's definitely intense. Um, and intense isn't bad. And uh yeah, it's just how you use it. You can use it for good, you can use it for bad, you can use anything for good or bad. Because I also think of the dark feminine as very elegant too. You know, very elegant, very witty, like it's almost like I think of like like a siren kind of, but also just like smoke going into like a dark bar and just like and she's just sitting there like, you know, like yeah, and it's yeah, and not in a not in like a damsel in distress way at all. It's like I hold the power and I know it. Yes, and I might not make it obvious if it doesn't serve me to make it obvious, but it's also very like calculated, which we talked about is a good thing. Calculated and mindfulness and manipulation, they're all the same thing, they're interchangeable.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, and so that's not a bad word.
SPEAKER_02
It is not, it shouldn't be.
SPEAKER_05
It never has been, yeah. And and people who make it a bad word are people who are bad at it.
SPEAKER_02
Literally, people are people that have just like been fucked by it, you know. And sorry, but like I need to be.
SPEAKER_05
Sorry for you. Like for yeah, yeah, we all have, because we are all we are all very, very susceptible to manipulation as humans.
SPEAKER_02
We're all susceptible to it, but we're not all capable of it. Yes, or good at it. Yeah. So if you are capable and good at it, you're likely gonna use it.
SPEAKER_05
It is literally one of the best ways you can get what you need in life.
SPEAKER_02
It's just like being the power, it's the quiet power thing. Yeah, it's that quiet power. Dark feminine is very quiet power to me. Yeah, quiet. Yeah, the the soft feminine, I think it and it depends who you are. I think that that also can be very difficult for some people to get into if they've been taught that they can't, yeah, because the soft feminine energy is vulnerable. And a lot of people fear vulnerability because they've had to. Yeah. So soft feminine, for me, soft feminine energy is very much a choice. Yeah. And that's what feels so empowering about it. Yeah. But it's it's very, like you said, it's it's very sweet, it's very loving, it's very caring, it's it's the intuitive, empathetic part of you. It's very creative, just like you know, like making little projects and doing little fun things and crafts and vision boards and shit like that. Yes, yes, you know, and it's like it's it's sweet, it's romantic, it's beautiful, you know, it's it's all those things. To me, when I think of my dark feminine part and my uh soft feminine part, yeah. My dark feminine part is like a hot vampire.
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
And my soft feminine feminine part is like a beautiful fairy.
SPEAKER_03
I love that.
SPEAKER_02
And I don't know if they're best friends or if they're just the same person, and I don't really care either way. It's just like, you know what I mean? But I've felt very in the past like I could only be one or the other, and like that I had to be very one-dimensional. And I really think that all of our girlies should have both. I think that we do have both.
SPEAKER_05
Everyone, it's just that we're not accessing both, or we're like not taught to like actually value both.
SPEAKER_02
Well, we're not taught to value feminine energy at all. That's just and we we talked about this in the episode. Like, we're we're not taught to value things like emotional attunement.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, and despite the fact that it is like one of the best skills you can learn in life for anybody. It will sell whatever you're trying to sell, it will absolutely get your sale.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, 100%. Always it will emotional attunement is the difference between you being a horrible parent or an incredible parent, you know. So we also need to touch on this quickly, yes, which is how to date as a hot girl this hot girl summer. If you are single and you're trying to date, if you're not single and you're trying to date, we we we don't judge, we don't care.
SPEAKER_05
We we do not judge, no. So you hit your you get your whatever it is you need.
SPEAKER_02
We talked a little bit about fuckboys, about toxic relationship cycles, we talked about the nervous system going towards what's familiar, not what's good for you, or even what feels good. We talked about being cautious of love bombing, bread crumbing, intermittent reinforcement, and stuff like that. But and you are single. Yes, I am. And you are in the dating game boys. Any any boys watching? Hello. Any boys watching? Um that there's so many women. Not fuckboys, though. If you're a fuck boy, if you're a fuckboy, stop watching. You're probably not watching anyway.
SPEAKER_05
Um but uh you want to be intelligent about women, yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Um, which this is the best like if you if you want to be intelligent about women, watch our show. Yeah, like actually. So, do you have any advice for the girlies going into Hot Girl Summer if they're single or not single and dating?
SPEAKER_05
I love this. So I want to encourage all of our girlies to be true to yourself and be willing to enjoy and entertain the idea that you could find love. Yeah, but don't force it into a fucking box. Like, do not do not force yourself into a relationship where you don't fit. Force it's okay to like um like like choose a situation ship, but it is better if you have full control of the terms of that situation ship. So more often than not, we have associated situationships with men who do not close the deal and just leave it perpetually open. Yeah. And women are like, okay. But like I look at situationships as a woman is in control. And like you actually have the control. You genuinely do. And like hot girl extends to anybody. Like you, any anyone on earth can be a hot girl, even if they're A mab or they identify as a man or like whatever, like you can be a hot girl. 100%.
SPEAKER_02
Like if you feel like a hot girl, it literally does not matter who you are or what genitalia you have, you are a hot girl.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, a thousand percent. Because like no matter what, like a hot girl is its own energy. I'm sure that hot man is its own energy, and maybe there will be a hot man psychology that like comes to meet us, like the Powerpuff Girls kind of thing. Yes. The the rowdy rough voice, yes, yes, yes. Like at the end.
SPEAKER_02
Jake, our podcast producer, maybe he and his friends can make a hot voice psychology.
SPEAKER_05
Wait, we're like low-key. He's like he is that now qualified. They're not qualified, he says. That's so cool. Hot, but not qualified.
SPEAKER_07
That's not the second right.
SPEAKER_05
But like, really, what I'm trying to say is just be be connected to like what your body is asking for. Yeah. Like, don't compromise. Take the power. Yeah. Let yourself be the leader in terms of like where the relationship is going if you're dating. And then once it's exclusive, you can sit back. Yeah. You know, but like if you're not exclusive, like be willing to be in charge. Yeah. Be willing. Like, you know, when I say be in charge, I don't mean like, you know, plan the date, do the thing, but like be in charge of the tone of the relationship. Be in charge of the direction of the relationship. Be in charge of the frequency with which you meet this person because you have the ultimate power. Pussy power is like the ultimate power. Yes. At the end of the day. Pussy, like woman power and pussy. Pussy power. Dating power. Like it's it's definitely something that like you don't have to have of a vagina or anything like that to have it. Like you, you just have to have like the mentality.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, 100%.
SPEAKER_05
So, like at the end of the day, if you have the pussy power, you win. Yeah. That is how you win the dating game. Like in this, in this season of Hot Girl Summer, you win the dating game by you are in charge. You choose the terms, you choose the direction, you choose the pacing, you choose all of it. Right. And always, always, always check in with your girls. They fucking know you so check in with your girls this summer. Yes. Yes. They know you so well that like if you end up in the wrong relationship, they will be like, bitch, what are you doing? Like, get out of this shit. And we have to listen to our girls when they say that because they're right. Like 90% of the time, they're right. Yeah. She's a dream and we love her, but like she's rare. Yes. That situation is so rare, it's unbelievable. Yes. So just like your girls are like, hey, like, what do you mean you're like going over somewhere in the middle of the night? Like, that's not like you. Or like, hey, what do you mean you just met somebody random, like, and you're just going out, like, that's not like you.
SPEAKER_02
Right.
SPEAKER_05
Listen to that.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
They they have your back.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. Or like, what do you mean that you've gone on two dates and you're planning on the wedding? Yeah. Like, let's not do that.
SPEAKER_05
Oh my god. I went on, I went on a date with a guy who was like uh like very much like planning our future travel. And I was like, we've gone two dates. Like, I I adore you, you're great, but like, no. Red flag. Such a red flag. Oh, look for the red flags. Yes, look for red flags. And like learn from your mistakes, learn from your heartbreaks.
SPEAKER_02
Seriously. Don't judge yourself, just learn from them.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely. I love that. Do not judge yourself, just learn. Yeah. Because you didn't judge yourself when you were in college, when you were in high school, when you were like learning your ABCs. There was no judgment. There was just learning. There was receptiveness, there was openness to experience. And like that is what you have to get in touch with this summer.
SPEAKER_00
Yeah. Yes. Receptive. Yes. Totally agree.
SPEAKER_05
What about you? What's what's your like um how do you do hot girl summer as a married woman?
SPEAKER_02
Ooh, fun. Hot girl summer as a married person. I personally, I think that it can look different for everybody. I personally really want to lean into that soft feminine energy. I love that. And be able to romanticize my life and cook good food and garden with success. This has not been successful lately, but it will be. It's fucking spring girl. Yeah. But also get into so I've been like working hard a lot lately, and I love that. And like it's important to be working really hard at this point in my career as an author specifically. Sure. Because it's the beginning.
SPEAKER_05
Yes. No, you you have been like hauling ass. Like you have been just like, I'm fucking going. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Like I actually crazy. And it's kind of a young person's game, like the exact niche that I'm in right now. It's a young person's game. It's a hot person's game. So so I'm trying I'm trying to hone in on that. And I know that it's important to do this like now.
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
That being said, I also want to get back to just like doing things just for enjoyment that aren't productive. Like just painting a picture that like doesn't look good in the case and like it's bad. And just like I used to do that all the time, you know, and just like reading for pleasure instead of always feeling like I need to write. Like you know what I mean? And just doing things more for fun and enjoyment, because we we did talk about how the soft feminine energy is very just like enjoyable, indulgent, even with like food and stuff like that. And so yeah, like just really, really trying to enjoy that and have a balance and be able to work enough versus like making it my entire life, you know, because you can be like, oh, I'm just gonna work really, really hard this year, which is what I had told myself. But when you do that and you neglect the soft parts of yourself, that could also just change who you are as a person. And maybe next year I don't stop working. Yeah and now I'm just addicted to it. And now I've forgotten all of my soft parts because I have neglected those. So yeah, for me, it's gonna look like a lot of soft feminine energy.
SPEAKER_07
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
But I could see for a lot of girlies, whether you're married or not, yes, um, definitely lean into that dark feminine energy as well. Cause like we said, a lot of people struggle with that. Yes. And a big part of that is owning your sexuality. Yeah. We talked about masturbating, you know, like buy yourself some cute outfits, like really like fucking noise. Yes.
SPEAKER_05
Like if you are look at yourself in the mirror, make noise, do it in front of the mirror. Yeah, do it crazy. Like get to know what they see when you are enjoying yourself. Yes. Because what they see and what you see, like the discrepancy is something that you can absolutely close that gap.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, you for sure. You can absolutely close that gap. For sure. Yes. Yes. And make sure you are enjoying yourself. Yes. That's for the married girlies.
SPEAKER_05
Yes. Yes. Yes. Don't, don't, uh, don't, don't have bad sex for the rest of your life.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. Yeah. Like either talk it out.
SPEAKER_00
It's fixable.
SPEAKER_05
It it is. It is. It's just sex. It is. Yeah. No, it is just sex. That's like so real. And like there, there's some things that aren't fixable, like, for example, sexual attraction and like real life later on in your marriage, like, you know, you're attracted to this or they're attracted to this or whatever. But like at the end of the day, sex is pretty fucking fixable.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, like compatibility-wise, I I think that it's fixable. Uh, yeah, as as long as you are attracted to the person and their sex and their gender and all of that. Um, I I do think that it is definitely something that can be just explored, just be open, basically. Yeah. And I think a lot of people struggle. Oh, that's something we should have talked about too, is the dark feminine is very sexually open.
SPEAKER_05
So sexually powerful.
SPEAKER_02
You know? And so just like be open to trying new things, whether it's with yourself or somebody else, be open to like fetishes and stuff like that for new kinks.
SPEAKER_05
Be open to like doing it differently than you have before. 100%. Literally, if like make a ton of noise. I mean, I just said this a few minutes ago, but like make a ton of noise. You're right. Be in front of the mirror, like dress up for yourself, like play around with just what does it feel like to touch to touch myself here, to touch myself here? Like, what is it like to experience me? Yes. And that's that's the biggest thing that you can do. Maybe never mind.
SPEAKER_04
What?
SPEAKER_02
I was gonna say record yourself. No, like literally, yeah, but it's like unsafe with like the cloud and all of that. Yeah, because you never know what is turn off your Wi-Fi.
SPEAKER_00
Yeah, turn off your Wi Fi.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, also, like maybe porn, porn can be real weird these days.
SPEAKER_05
Porn is different.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah, porn is different. It's it grew up. It's a completely different thing. So just know that it's not real life, but like it can give you good ideas for things.
SPEAKER_05
Uh sometimes like just like show you how to move your body. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Just like I watch it sometimes just for like for research purposes. I'm just like, what are the kids into these days? What are they just trying to see? No uh lots of not lots of stuff that just like sucks. It's not even that it's like too kinky or like crazy. I'm just like, this sucks. I'm like, why are we all siblings? Why is it all step siblings? When did that become a thing?
SPEAKER_05
So one of the things that we did this season was the hot girl archetypes, and I'm gonna talk a little bit about what those are. So, hot girl archetypes, the concept of archetypes was introduced by Carl Jung, who is a was a psych psychologist back in the 40s, 50s, 60s, I don't know, during World War II. And I think all of the above. Yes, he's left for a bit. Yes, actually. And he was um he was a descendant of Freud in terms of his like educational background. So he was like Freud's like protege. Uh, and Freud is the one who talks about Oedipus Rex and like fucking your mother and stuff like that. Yes, literally, like actually, it's so real.
SPEAKER_02
So um or like you have settled your daddy issues with a dude that was exactly like your dad. Yeah. Freud, Freud did come up with that, and he's not wrong.
SPEAKER_05
He's he's so not wrong. And like it's it's all I I learned recently, well, not recently, like last year, I learned that it was all within those first years of life that this all gets settled. So archetypes essentially, there's this concept that we all have like a collective unconscious where essentially we are driven by almost like mythological like paths in life. And one of the things that will happen is you will start to act like a more common personality type. Given whatever circumstance you're in. And it's not necessarily something like we don't know the exact mechanism yet of like what it is that causes this, but a lot of it is just it is a genuine, unconscious behavior that is passed down over many generations. So for example, there is the magician. The magician is a type of archetype. There is the anima, which is like the body and like the masculine, the feminine, the divine masculine, the divine feminine. Those are all archetypes. So we came up with feminine hot girl archetypes that are very there, there are like the general feminine archetypes of like the wild woman and like you know, the mother and like those kinds of things.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, the queen, the the lover. Yeah, I think those are all yeah.
SPEAKER_05
But there's like there's deeper, right? So like this is more niche, the the concept of the hot girl archetypes. And we've done a few and more modern, so much more modern. Yeah. And we've done a couple episodes on it already, and we've talked a little bit about like, you know, you've talked about like the emo girl, and I've talked about the feral girl and things like that. So um today we're talking about two archetypes to round out season one. And mine is that bitch.
SPEAKER_00
That bitch. That bitch.
SPEAKER_05
That bitch.
SPEAKER_00
Tell me about that bitch.
SPEAKER_05
She's so good. She's so good. She's so good. She's so good because she like shows up and like fucking rules the world. And like she she does the masculine power thing without having to be masculine.
SPEAKER_02
Okay, interesting.
SPEAKER_05
Yes. So she shows up and she one takes care of her body, two, takes care of her mind, three, takes care of her soul.
SPEAKER_00
Yes.
SPEAKER_05
How does she do those things? Okay. So she is like your 5 a.m. Pilates yoga, like green smoothie. Like I listen to the affirmations, I do the manifestation, I follow the content. Like, she is fucking there. And we all have our own version of that bitch. We all do. We all have our own version of the healthiest girl we've all we've ever been. Yes.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. So she, so she is your your healthiest girl. She is. That lives inside of you.
SPEAKER_05
She is. She really is. Like that bitch is like so fucking healthy. And like when you are in your worst times, she is what pulls you out.
SPEAKER_04
She really is.
SPEAKER_05
Because she's the one who says, like, okay, no, like we're not gonna do this. Yes. We we have a routine, we have a we have like rules that we stick to. And like, even if your rules are so small, even if your rules are so like I don't go home on the first date with somebody, like that still is that bitch energy. Yeah, because you are saying, like, this is where the buck stops, yeah, stops here. So she's very disciplined. So like disciplined, yes. She's devoted to herself. Yes, committed. Yeah, exactly. Yes. So she she is like always like putting the boundaries around like, no, my life is going to be this way. And this is what makes me the best me. And you can't talk me out of that, no matter who you are, no matter who you are. And like that's the most beautiful beautiful thing about that bitch is she is always herself, no matter who is receiving her.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. Yeah. And like again, we all have our own internal bat bitch. Yes. All of us for sure have it. Like, I have way too many fucking green smoothies in my freezer, and it's great because every time I have a green smoothie, I'm like, oh my God, I'm not a bitch. I'm not a fucking bitch. Yes. Love it. Yes. And you know, I don't get up at 5 a.m. I get up at 6 a.m. Yes. Like I am literally embodying my power because it's a power self. It's a power self. Yes. You know, but it's like a healthy power self.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yeah. It's not a gluttonous power self. It feels really good when you can embody that bitch.
SPEAKER_05
It's like restrictive and powerful at the exact same time.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah. Well, it's all, it's all self-care, but it's it's the kind of self-care that is more that it's the healthy kind of self-care.
SPEAKER_05
It's it's the kind that like doesn't make excuses. And excuses are not something that you beat yourself up about. They are something that you recognize were once part of how you survived and you chose instead to thrive. Yes.
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
So she's she's not in survival mode, she's in thriving mode. Okay. Yes. I love that. Yeah. I think that that's a good thing to mention too. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I felt this. We talked about how we flow in and out of these archetypes, and we might feel like these archetypes one day or a few hours of the day or a few minutes of the day. And I really felt myself coming into this archetype. We went to New Orleans, and when I came back, I just felt like shit, you know, just like being on vacation and like everything. Yeah. And I was sucked. But also, like, if you cut me open, I would have bled gumbo and alcohol. Like, I was just like, I was just like so unhealthy and so gluttonous the entire weekend, and that's fine. Uh, that's what you do on vacation. Absolutely. But when I came home, that bitch was like, okay, this is what we're gonna do.
SPEAKER_05
I love it. Yes, that is that bitch energy. She was like, I am here. We are getting our shit together. Like, yes, girls, wake up. She is your older sister.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_05
Your older fucking sister.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. She is there to be. She's like, you're going on a walk and you're building more serotonin. Yes. And you're eating a salad. Yes. Instead of the pizza.
SPEAKER_05
Yes. And you're putting protein in your salad because you're not a fucking, like, you are not trying to restrict. You are trying to take care of.
SPEAKER_02
No, you are trying to get energy and power and yeah.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely brain food. Yeah. She is there. She is there to take care of you. She is like, she is the mother to the motherless.
SPEAKER_02
Yes.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Anytime that you've ever been like, oh, I don't need to stretch right now. But that bitch is the one that comes in and is like, yes, you do. Yes, you do. You're gonna feel like it's gonna be. Yes, you do need to stretch. Yes, you do need to go to yoga for your mental health. Like, yes, you do need to go to bed at this time. Absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
Oh my God. My inner that bitch like puts me to bed every like it is 9 12 right now. She is like, What are you doing? She's coming out right now. She's like, Why are you still awake, Emily? Yes. She's like, You're not following the rules, Emily. No, like literally. She's like, she's like, it's time to get your shit in together. Yeah. In order. Because she is just trying to make sure that you live as long as humanly possible so you could fucking soak this life up. Yeah. And like soaking this life up is like a beautiful mix between like being that bitch and not being that bitch. But like, you know.
SPEAKER_02
Because you need the indulgence, you need the enjoyment. Oh my god, do you think could that be the shadow of this is just leaning too far into this that you never get the enjoyment? Yes.
SPEAKER_05
That's how I end up with like clients who have like orthorexia, where they're just like obsessed with like clean eating or they're obsessed with just like everything has to be pure, everything has to be clean. It's just like very regimented, very much like um they get anxious when there's like not a ton of structure. And that is an inability to like flow between one archetype and another.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, yeah, for sure. And something that maybe once was passion and devotion and commitment has now become obsession.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Which it can always happen, right? Like there's there's always passion, commitment, and and devotion or obsession, no devotion in like relationships that mean something to you. And then when it becomes obsession, that's where you always do your health in it. Yes. So from for me, that bitch, she's like the green smoothie girl. She is like the 5 a.m., you know, I'm gonna go do my Pilates, I'm gonna do my thing, so that we can live a long time and actually enjoy loving for a very long time.
SPEAKER_00
It does feel good. Yeah, it really does.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah, yeah. And like we all have eras of that bitch, you know. Some of us like we we connect to her and we just stay her. And some of us we find her when we need her. Yes. You know, and that's that's the thing about these archetypes, is they are they are designed to they represent who you are in a transitional way, but also like in a permanent way, depending on like which one you identify with most.
SPEAKER_00
For sure. So what's yours? Yeah, I love that bitch. That's fun.
SPEAKER_02
I love that bitch too. Yeah. And you described it really, really well. Thank you. Um, okay, so mine is a bit controversial. Ooh. It is the housewife.
SPEAKER_05
Oh yes. Oh, wait, I'm so excited about this.
SPEAKER_00
I didn't okay, I did not hear this when we started, and I'm so ready.
SPEAKER_05
Let's go.
SPEAKER_00
I love a good housewife.
SPEAKER_02
If you know me, I love the housewives shows. I love books about housewives. My first book was about a housewife. Like, I I love it.
SPEAKER_05
I was a housewife for a couple years. Yeah. Yeah. And it was, it was the life.
SPEAKER_02
Yeah.
SPEAKER_05
Yeah. It was something. Yeah. Okay, tell me, tell me the housewife. Who is she?
SPEAKER_02
Okay. So at like her most extreme, like just like if I'm to envision the way that she looks, she's like 1950s. She's in like that beautiful A-line dress, her makeup, her hair is all done up. Um, she's like bopping to the supremes and just like spinning around, and she's making a beautiful dinner. I love her for her family. So it it's a lot of soft feminine energy for sure. She loves her home.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
She loves to make things beautiful. Yeah. And she's great at it. She loves to be beautiful. Yeah. And she's great at it. Yeah. She also is very caring. She loves to serve others. She's nurturing. She loves to cook. She loves to keep things clean, tidy. She likes to create little things like make little, you know, have little projects. She hosts. Oh, she is the hostess with the most. Absolutely. Yes. 100%. This is a great archetype. Yes. This archetype is meant to be flown in and out of.
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
The problem with this archetype is that is it is incredibly one-dimensional.
SPEAKER_06
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
And the problem with this archetype is men. Men, period. The problem with all of our archetypes is men. Men not just told, but forced women to only be this one-dimensional archetype for so long.
SPEAKER_03
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
And that's why right in their own home. And that is why a lot of women don't want to be this archetype and want to rebel against this archetype, which makes perfect sense. Yeah. Because we no longer need to be this archetype. So what's important to know about this archetype is that you can be this archetype. And it's great if this archetype comes out at certain times. Maybe it comes out when you're at home or when you're just feeling good, when it's the weekend, when you're around certain people. Yeah. But you need more. You need to be more. You need to develop more. And the shadow of this archetype is not being more.
SPEAKER_03
Yes. It's contained.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Very contained. Or feeling like you're not allowed to be more.
SPEAKER_04
Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_02
You know, by like men.
SPEAKER_04
No, I hear that a thousand percent.
SPEAKER_02
Or being this archetype around the wrong people. Because this archetype is very rooted in giving and in servitude.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
And in softness.
SPEAKER_03
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
And if you're going to be this archetype around anybody, especially a man, good God. Make sure they deserve it. Absolutely. Make sure that you are getting as much or more than you're giving.
SPEAKER_05
A thousand percent. Because if you are giving your all, yes, and you are not receiving their all plus, then you're not actually in an equal exchange. Because the idea of keeping a home, keeping a family, keeping a community, keeping like your existence, it is so huge. Yeah. The amount of commitment that takes. Yes.
SPEAKER_02
And you're doing everything for others, which is great and admirable.
SPEAKER_05
Yes.
SPEAKER_02
But you can't just do that. You also need to do things for you and you need to do it for people that are going to appreciate you. And so I do feel like in the past, this archetype has seemed incredibly not empowered, very stifled. But it doesn't have to be. And to be an empowered version of this archetype, you do not need to be married. Yeah. You don't need to have kids or be connected to your family at all. You can create a version that works for you. And I do think that we all have this inside of us. It is the part that likes to be, you know, a home maker and like make a beautiful space for ourselves. Like anytime you cook for yourself, anytime you make your bed, like that is this archetype, the housewife archetype.
SPEAKER_05
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02
You know, and it again, it's a great one. Just make sure that you're not this archetype all the time. Yes. You need to be more.
SPEAKER_05
You have to. Okay. So we we have made it a whole season. Yeah. Hot girls like this is so exciting. So we will renew. We will start up again, give us a couple months, and Hot Girls Summer is all for you. And you are gonna love it and enjoy it. And we will be back in fall.
SPEAKER_02
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And uh if you've been here from the beginning, thank you so much. If you're just joining, we also leave so love you. We have 12 episodes, uh, so and they're all great. So go watch them all. Definitely DM us. We're hot girl psychology on Instagram, hot girl psychology podcast on TikTok. Yes. Feel free to DM us anything that because we're definitely taking suggestions for season two. And we would love to hear from you what you guys want to learn about. I think that we are we love to blend our clinical knowledge with just like being a girly.
SPEAKER_05
Yes, because being a girly is totally separate from being clinical.
SPEAKER_02
Yes, 100 yes in every way. But uh, but we love to blend them for you. And so anything that you want to learn about or just know about or talk about, yes, please let us know.
SPEAKER_05
We love you guys. Yeah, girlies, you guys, you girlies. We love all of you. And thank you so much for being here with us for Hot Girl Summer, Hot Girl Psychology Season One. We cannot wait to see you in the fall.
SPEAKER_01
Love you girlies.
SPEAKER_05
Love you. Bye. Hot girl psychology, hot girl psychology, hot girl psychology.