How to Become a Confident & Whole Hot Girlie (Self-Concept)
On this episode of the Hot Girl Psychology podcast, the girlies explore the most important aspect of confidence, building your self-concept. They talk about the fact that most people don’t like who they are simply because they don’t know who they are. Using a psychosocial perspective, they teach you, using tangible activities, how to figure out who you are. After summarizing their own self-concepts, the girlies take you through the most important parts of self-concept such as likes, strengths, desires, fears, and much more. They teach you how to find your core values, your internalized beliefs, and the narrative of your life.
Offering you the clinical interventions they use with their clients, this is a great episode for anyone looking to work on their identity and self-confidence.
I I'm obsessed with the idea of self-concept. I think it's great. I think that it's there's so many different ways that we express our self-concept with our words, with our thoughts, with the way we embody, the way we dress, the way we show up, the way we don't show up, the choices we make in our lives, the people we choose to have in our lives, the things that we do or don't do. Like we are constantly giving off and signaling and and amplifying the sound of our self-concept.
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Hot Girl Psychology.
SPEAKER_03We're a girls girl podcast where attractiveness meets attachment loans.
SPEAKER_08Here at Hot Girl Psychology, we believe that the darkest parts of your mind are the sexiest.
SPEAKER_03I'm Emily, a startup founder and CEO, and I put the psycho in psychonutritionist.
SPEAKER_08And I'm Deanna. I'm a clinical psychotherapist, published dark romance author, and recovering people pleaser. I treat complex trauma by day and I live it by night. What's up, girlies? So tonight this evening. This evening's affair is about how to become both a confident and a whole hot girly.
SPEAKER_03An entire whole real hot girl.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. And we talked about this. I feel like it's important because we talked about this a little bit in our first episode, but we didn't really get into the nitty-gritty of how to do that.
SPEAKER_09Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And I think that our girlies would really appreciate learning a little bit about how you actually put this into action.
SPEAKER_03Yes, absolutely. Because I feel like learning how to embody it is the actual step that you need to take to like really be the hot girl you are.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. It's not just the concept of it. You can know the concept objectively, you can know it intellectually. But like you said, actually embodying it and knowing how to use all of the tools tangibly, I think, is really important.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. So something that we talked about in that first episode. We talked about the idea that to be a hot girl, being a hot girl is a mindset. So if you don't feel hot, you are not a hot girl.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08So it's all about feeling hot and how if you don't feel hot, how you can feel hot.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_08A big part of that was self-concept and developing that. So thinking about self-concept, what comes to mind for you when you hear the word self-concept?
SPEAKER_03When I hear self-concept, I'm always thinking about who I am, what I think I am, who I think I am, what I'm being, what I'm embodying, like all of the elements of who I am fall into self-concept.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So if I'm, you know, saying, and I do believe that like our words have power, right? So if I'm saying like I am this person, like, oh ha ha, I'm such an idiot or something like that, like that becomes part of my self-concept. That becomes self-talk.
SPEAKER_09Yeah. Exactly. That's a huge part.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That becomes my identity. That becomes, you know, the way I am. But if I say something like, I am really capable, I'm really talented, I'm, you know, I can do whatever I want and I can take over the world. That's part of my self-concept. And that's a lot closer to how I really feel. I don't think I'm stupid. But either way, the whole point behind it is it's who you decide you are. And whether that's conscious or unconscious, it's what you end up becoming.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I like that who you decide you are. And self-talk is such an important part of that. And yeah, like if you tell yourself something, your brain will look for evidence to prove that that's true. Absolutely. So if you tell yourself that the world is cruel and then somebody doesn't hold the elevator for you, the world is going to prove to be cruel. Absolutely. But if you tell yourself the world is kind and then somebody, a stranger shows you a small act of kindness, the world is kind.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. But we get confirmation bias.
SPEAKER_08Yes, we get confirmation bias 100%. And you always will. Yes. So what you tell yourself in the first place is what matters because you will find the evidence to prove that these thoughts are true most of the time, unless they're like totally, you know, batshit, which most of them aren't. Most of them are very relatable. Most of them can have horrible evidence to support them. I actually ask clients a lot when I start to realize that they're struggling with self-concept. I ask them the question: if I asked you, who are you, would you be able to answer me? And I'm not actually asking them that question because it's such a loaded question and it does take a long time to answer. But I just want to know if they'd feel confident to answer me. And I know that the answer is no.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. No, I love that. I love, I love, I love those moments when like as a clinician, you get to be really confident about like what you're asking somebody, right? Like that you you know like it's kind of a gotcha question that is going to unlock like the next step for them. That's really great.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like self-concept is such an easy thing to clock.
SPEAKER_03Yes. You know what I mean? Oh my god, you can clock it from a mile away.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. To me, it's one of the easiest things to clock.
SPEAKER_03Same here. I think that's that clinical intuition.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. And most people, most people know it too. And that's one of the reasons why they're, you know, in therapy is because they want to figure out who they are. I think that most people they don't like who they are because they don't know who they are. You know? Yeah. So that's self-concept, is it's your identity, it's how you see yourself, and it's how you feel about yourself.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08But you have to know that. The self-awareness is the most important piece of that and exploring your self-concept is so germane. And if you don't do that, how could you like yourself if you don't know yourself?
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Absolutely. And if you base what you've like what you've decided you are off of things that other people have told you, especially if like you grew up in like a home that doesn't really emphasize kind speaking, but instead just like shit talking, you're easily going to allow your self-concept to be the assignment that was given to you that you never signed up for.
SPEAKER_08Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. I think that's where internalized beliefs come into play. Absolutely. Those are created in childhood. If you are told something over and over again, eventually you are going to believe that it's true if you're a child. Absolutely. It's like, how could you not? Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03And a lot of the bullshit that we believe is stuff that we learn from like the formative relationships of our lives, which are things like with your caregivers and with like your first serious partner and like with your first serious mentor and things like that.
SPEAKER_08And if you your friends and the the your peers. Which is usually awful because kids are so cruel.
SPEAKER_03And because kids who have to filter through what they're told by their parents then end up being surrounded by kids who kind of give in to that kind of need for bullying, right? There's always going to be bully the bullies and the bullied that will always exist, unfortunately. And so self-concept can very quickly place you in either one of those categories.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Depending on what you've been given from childhood. Absolutely. And I feel like both what both of those have in common is a weak self-concept. Yeah. A very, very poor self-concept. Absolutely. Is the bully and the bullied because the bully is insecure and that's why they're bullying. And the bullied is, of course, insecure because they're being told that they're a piece of shit and worthless, usually. So yeah, I feel like internalized beliefs are such a big part of self-concept. Yeah. And they start so early on.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Absolutely they do. And they're there's something that gets embedded into you at a really young age, right? Because like one of the first the psychosocial stages of development is being shame and auton or shame and self-doubt versus autonomy, right? So you either fall into one category or another. And anytime you end up in that shame and self-doubt, you're inevitably going to be taking that with you into like your child years, your teen years, your adult years, all your relationships, like when you connect with partners and stuff, right? Like our default um blueprint for how we see ourselves in the world comes from really early in our lives.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Absolutely. It does. And it changes too. Very much. It evolves. Well, it evolves. I wouldn't even say that it changes. I think that it evolves, it only changes if you want to change it. Yes. But I think that it evolves slowly. Yeah. Um, because to me, evolving is just changing slowly versus the change feels like an action step that you are taking, but it evolves throughout the psychosocial phases. Yes. As well.
SPEAKER_04Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_08You know, and I mean, my favorite psychosocial phase to work with is identity versus role confusion. And what age is that? So it's it's supposed to be like later, later adolescence, early adulthood. I actually think that it lasts longer. I I think that there's been a change and like a shift. And I I don't know what that has to do with, but I think that it lasts longer than that. I think that it lasts pretty much until you're like 30.
SPEAKER_05Wow.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. I think that that's identity versus role confusion, I would say lasts from like, in my opinion, like 15 years old to 30.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Which in um Eric Erickson's, it's uh, I believe like 13 years old to like 21 or something.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, that's like the normal, like how you define adolescence kind of thing.
SPEAKER_08Right, exactly. But I I don't I don't agree with that. I I think clinically it doesn't show up like that. No, it doesn't. It really shows up in your 20s, actually. Yeah. Because I mean, like, yes, you're kind of trying to find yourself in your teen years, but really, really in your twenties. Yeah. I I think that that shows up more.
SPEAKER_07Yeah. And makes a lot of sense.
SPEAKER_08And there's a lot of kids that are like sheltered and like don't actually go through this until much later in life. I actually went through it pretty early on. Did you? Yes. Um, but from what I have seen, most people go through it a little bit later than I did. So that's that's what I'm basing this off of. Right. So identity versus real confusion, if anybody uh hasn't heard of that, so it's essentially an existential crisis, which is who am I and how do I contribute to the world? What is my role within society?
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And the both are a really large part of self-concept. I mean, both are pretty much self-concept in general.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So I do think that your teen years and your 20s are really, really imperative to figuring out your self-concept. However, you can be figuring it out way after that. And that's okay too. And it like we said, it can change. You can archetypes play into this. We can flow in and out of different self-concepts, kind of. We can flow in and out of archetypes, we can flow in and out of different ideal selves. Yeah. But it's really, really important that you keep asking yourself about this self-concept and asking yourself the question, who am I? If I met a stranger right now, what would I say to them? You know?
SPEAKER_03I love that. Okay, so what's what's your answer? If you met a stranger right now, what would you say to them?
SPEAKER_08I'll answer two. I guess I struggle with uh how would I genuinely get somebody to get to know me versus what would be socially acceptable? Yeah. Because I do pride myself on being a very, very socially aware person. So if I led with like, I like to grow flowers in dark places, would that be fucking strange? They'd be like, so so if I'm being honest, I would probably start light and I would probably start with what I do. And the only reason what you do does not define who you are for most people. However, for me it does.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Because I decided to do the things that I do based on my self-concept. So I am a therapist through and through. And I would be a therapist even if that wasn't my job. So I decided to make it my job. And that took a lot of work and luck too. And then same thing with being a dark romance author. I think we were talking recently, and I was like, no, I have to be an author. Like I like, I like have to do it. I used to think it was a hobby, and then at some point I was like, oh no, like I have to do this forever.
SPEAKER_09Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Um, so they are very, very integral parts of my personality. So I think that I would start with I am a psychotherapist and a dark romance author.
SPEAKER_09Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And maybe those would change um which one I would do in order based on the day.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Then I would say that I am somebody who art and healing is at the core of every single thing that I do. I think that I am full of feminine energy, which we talked about recently, dark feminine energy, but also a lot of soft feminine energy. I think that I'm somebody who is not I'm not fully, and I wouldn't define myself as like a ray of sunshine, but I feel like I am moonlight.
SPEAKER_03Oh, and peace. I love that so much. You're moonlight.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And I think I'm peace. I think I'm I am peaceful and I value peace. And actually, I'm thinking now, uh, one of Jake's friends said to me like last year around our wedding, he was like, I feel like you just like are red wine. Like when I think of you, I think like you just like you are like old books and red wine.
SPEAKER_06And I was like, Red wine.
SPEAKER_08I was like, Yes, that is my new self-concept. That's what I'm gonna base everything around. But it was it was such a good summation of me. I feel like I am old books and red wine. I love that. I am like sunsets and deep conversation.
SPEAKER_03You really are like that is the truth.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah. And I I really value creativity and soul and peace and innovation.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And I want to, I want people to feel safe and I want people to feel not judged, and I want to feel safe, and I want to feel not judged. And yeah, and that's why I say like I would never, you know, go up to somebody and say, I want to grow flowers in dark places, but I feel like that's such a summation of who I am, is that I want to grow flowers in dark places. And I think that I don't run from the darkness, and it is the darkest things in life that make us whole and that make us free and make us human. Yeah. And actually make us happy. I love this. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I love that. No, it's it's so true that the the uh without darkness there is no light. Without light, there is no darkness. Yes, yeah. Like it's impossible. Yeah, I love that. Um correct. You can see it's really good. Yeah, you're like dead on. That's so okay.
SPEAKER_08Well, thanks. That that's that's reassuring.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, because if I if I was like, I feel like I'm just like and then it was like so off. So it's so good. No, Deanna. Yeah, no, it's it's like perfect. It's like dead on.
SPEAKER_03Okay, good. Yeah, like the darkness, the old books, the red wine, like all of that is 100%. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So how same question to you. If I were to ask you, who are you? What would you say to somebody if I was a genuine stranger?
SPEAKER_03Initially, my immediate instinct is say I'm Emily, because I am the only one on the planet that I know of that exists that spells their name like me.
SPEAKER_08And so when I say Yeah, you're the only one that I know that spells it like Amalia.
SPEAKER_03No, it's pronounced Emily.
SPEAKER_08Well, it's spelled like Amalia. That's because objectively, phonetically.
SPEAKER_03Like, okay, so do I really want to reveal this on episode nine? So sure, fine. So let me tell this quick side note, side story. So I have always had this weird spelling my name. People always comment on it. It is a daily occurrence that it gets commented on daily because like people see my name as clients, or I have to give somebody like my ID, or I have to make a phone call, or like whatever. It is a 24-7 affair. And like that is a huge fucking part of my like self-concept for one, is that my name is so insanely unique. And just by nature of having this name, I'm unique. Um, because that is how it is. Uh, because there's because everyone on earth has a comment on it. And like maybe people will never comment on it again after this. Hopefully. No, it's kind of fun though. It's a good like icebreaker, you know. Like, I'll always have rapport with people because you just gotta be nice when people are like that. You know, it's not like they're making a weird comment or saying some stupid shit or something, like they're just like genuinely reacting to, oh, that says Emily. Oh, interesting. I've never seen that before. So, like some people just get overconfident and like just straight up try to pronounce my name just without even like asking. Like, most people just don't want to look stupid, which is why they ask. Um, because like, you know, whatever people are like afraid of being seen as stupid, but which is okay. That's fine. Maybe that's their self-concept. Yeah. So I guess my name teaches people or teaches me about people's self-concept. Anyway, so I was named after a street in Pittsburgh. And it's it's the street that I was born on. Um, and my father chose that spelling because he said he looked up at the street name one day. I think it was when my mom was pregnant with me, and he was like, Oh, that says M-A-Lee. And that is a real thing. And um fun fact when I You just decided what it's yeah, no, I I don't, I don't like uh I I have mixed feelings. Yeah, this is maybe the nicest way I can say it. Um what the fuck? So basically so weird. I mean, it's cool, like it's a cute, like unique thing, but it's also like what the fuck, dude? What are you doing? But yeah, so like, you know, Emalia, Emily, Amelia, Emilia, Amelia, whatever the fuck you want to say, it's Emily.
SPEAKER_08Well, it's crazy because you actually are so such an Emily.
SPEAKER_03I did right.
SPEAKER_08And I feel like you'd have to know you to like understand that. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03So but I don't know what that means, but like I hear it. Like you mean E M I L Y Emily?
SPEAKER_08No, you were just you were an Emily with it spelled the way that it is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to explain. But it's like a thing. It's like a thing. And that's like the moment you're like, you know, what would you say to a stranger? Like my knee jerk, my immediate knee jerk was, I am Emily. Yeah like that's just that's just who I am. Yeah. And which is like so strange. Um, but I guess like after I get through that bit of explanation, I'd probably be like, I run a startup, I'm a leader, I'm obsessed with consciousness, um I'm hyper ambitious, and all of these things keep me out of a lot of trouble because I would be in so much fucking trouble if I wasn't all of those things. Um, you know, I have to protect myself by always taking care of myself and keeping myself occupied, or else I am like a fucking little kid that's bored and goes and like gets into everything and destroys it and it's not good. So that would be, I think, what I would say. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08That's great. Yeah. I feel like yours is also very accurate.
SPEAKER_03Thank you.
SPEAKER_08I probably, if I were to describe you, I wouldn't say the last part just because I wouldn't say that about you, but I but it's not not true.
SPEAKER_03No, I'm like I can say it. Absolutely like pure chaos. Like deep inside, I'm pure chaos. And when channeled correctly, I'm extraordinarily fucking powerful. I've learned that. Controlled, controlled chaos, yeah. Yes, which I've learned in these last couple months, like by not having a not being in a relationship for the first time in like 30 years, which is insane. Yeah, it'll teach you a lot. Oh my God. I'm like, wow, I can do literally anything. Okay, not 30 years, that's dramatic, 20 years, but I can do anything. Um and I realized that a lot of my like energy and effort had been put into the wrong form of chaos, which was toxic relationships and bullshit. And if I just put my energy into running a startup, um, which which makes you cry way harder than any boy ever could, just to throw that out there. Having a startup. Yeah, it's like it's it's like um it's it's awesome and I fucking love it. Holy shit. It is like trying to learn your ABCs when you're an infant that can't even hold their head up in the first place. Like it is frustrating. Yeah. Um, just trying to navigate all the things that come up, but it's so worth it because it's challenging. Yeah. It keeps me out of being a chaos monster.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, absolutely. Well, you're channeling it somewhere where it's useful. Yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I know it it really like feeds my drive in a way that makes me super healthy.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually kind of an important part of self concept, too. Is if you feel like you have too much of something, yeah, where do you channel that? Yes. You can channel it somewhere very good, or you can channel it a bunch of really bad places.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And I think most of us channel it a bunch of really bad places before we learn where to channel it for good. But like some people have like A lot of nervous energy. You can channel that into excitement. Yeah. Some people have like my my sister always had a lot of just like energy, energy. She needed to do sports. She had a lot of physical energy. She needed to channel it somewhere. Yeah. I always had creativity. Creativity not used looks like depression, honestly. So I had to put it somewhere.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. You know what I mean? No, I see it. So like what you're saying is that like every every um every shitty trait that a person has or shitty like internal concept experience that they have can be channeled into something more meaningful for them. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So like basically it could be good and it could be reframed. Yeah. As long as it as it's reframed and like you said, into something that is more meaningful.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08That is meaningful to the person. Yeah. Then yeah, and you're fucking golden.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And I mean, I feel like my, you know, I've always had this drive, this desire to be like exceptional, but this drive for just like chasing the love I never got growing up, which is why toxic relationships always like so intensely like deadly into them.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um, like very much to my own detriment. And like shifting that energy into something as like there's this weird balance of trying to be exceptional and trying to just get the shit done when you're an entrepreneur that's really interesting. Um, and like trying to balance that in a healthy way is like bringing out this better exceptionalism in me. And it's very much the freeing um like panacea that I needed it to be. Um, and I I'm really grateful for it. And I feel like my self-concept has shifted dramatically in the last few months because of all of this. Yeah. So it's it's wild that we're having this conversation about self-concept because I'm kind of like relatively, I mean, like I'm new to the idea, but not actually, but historically. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't something I really was conscious of.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing I like we all are working on our self-concept without knowing it.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And now you're just doing it while then that's what mean if if anybody doesn't know, that's what being conscious means. Just doing really doing something and knowing what you're doing, yeah, versus doing something without knowing it, which is unconscious. But yeah, so I you're just doing it and doing it intentionally.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And that's like the like basically been most of what I've been dealing with over these last like, I would say four to five months is just making intentional choices about how I like channel my energy. And that has sh has made major shifts to my self-concept and such oh my god, like a breath of fresh air. Yeah. Yeah. It literally feels like like I found Jesus or something. Yeah. I found Jesus within my self-concept.
SPEAKER_08Uh well, okay. So then that's something really important to note that a part of self-concept is where you channel your energy.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So think about that. Where where do you channel your energy? And then how do you spend your time? Yeah. I actually do start self-concept work on the surface with clients when I do it. And I I do it very intentionally because I want to ease them into it. Because people get really, really freaked out when you genuinely say, tell me who you are. You need to know who you are because most people actually cannot answer that question.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08And that's probably the biggest problem that I see across the board is a poor self-concept.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08I I don't know who I am, and I hate who I am. Yeah. And again, how can you even hate who you are if you don't know who you are? Right. But I start, I start super simply and I'll just be like, what do you like? What do you not like?
SPEAKER_09You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_08It it can literally go back to like, remember when we were in elementary school and middle school, and we would have, I used to, I think I've always loved self-concept work because I used to love things that were like, what are your favorites? Because I always knew what my favorite things were.
SPEAKER_03I love that. Yeah. That's really interesting.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I feel like, and they've never changed. And like, and I won't let them change too.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Because they they feel sacred to me.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And like the things that like always made me unique, like I've always known what those things are.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And I've always really honed them.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08But so I'll do little things like that, being like, make a list of your favorites. You know what I mean? Like back back to that like grade school. Yeah. Um, there's grade school activities. Yeah. So, like, what do you like? What do you not like? What are your favorite things? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? So, what are you good at? What are you not good at? What do you feel like you need to work on? Yeah. What makes you unique?
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08And then I slowly get deeper. What do you want? What do you chase? What do you dream of? What are your goals? And then deeper than that, what do you fear? You know?
SPEAKER_03I like this. I like I like the way you do that. That's really that's awesome. Um, that sounds like it would be really gentle on the nervous system. Yes.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. That that's that's my the whole approach to everything is to be very, very gentle. Be very, very gentle on the nervous system. And a lot of the approaches that I use can be very intense. So I start very, very slow and very light, and then I see how somebody responds to them.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And then I'll adjust depending on on how they are with them. But self-concept is pretty across the board. Almost everybody needs it. Almost everybody wants it, to be honest. So yeah, it's not like too abstract of a concept. Yeah. But yeah, like I'll start to go deeper and I'm like, okay, what do you fear? What do you need and have? What do you need and don't have? You know, what what what do you need to work on in life? Then I'll go into values. I am a huge, huge shoes values guy.
SPEAKER_03I take nearly all my clients through a little values exercise.
SPEAKER_08Okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. What is your values exercise? Okay. So it's ridiculous, um, but in the best way. Because I get a lot of clients who like have like no idea what good value about themselves at all. Like they like don't even understand that that's a thing.
SPEAKER_08I say, what are your core values? And usually they don't know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's it's rough. It's rough out there. So what I do is I pull up a list of uh 380 values. Values inventory. Yeah, basically. But then I like systematically, I I have them go through all like six different pages of them and I say, you know, just choose the ones off this list that are your favorite values. How many do you have them? I let them because I want to figure out. I want to understand more about them. I don't give them a number at first.
SPEAKER_06Okay.
SPEAKER_03I just have them like, and I have had clients who did like if there are 20 on every page, they did 15 on every page. Just in seeing like that the pages were coming and that the time was running out, but they still did it. Yeah. That tells me a lot about them, right? Just sort of like how they exist. Just like they they want everything and they can't have everything. Abundance, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Um, and that they maybe have AHD in time blindness, but I'm not qualified to diagnose that. All that being said, but still, um I'll then like cut them down. I'll say, okay, now you have to cut this down. And what depending on what number they choose, if they only choose like five, then I'm like, okay, cool, you know what your values are, I guess. Or like, why did you choose five? Why did you not know those off the top of your head? Um, and then I'll just keep paring it down until we get down to five core values. So for some people, I can do that with them in one session. Um, the majority of people can do it in one session, but like for people who just really, really, really, really struggle with like making um those more like core decisions, it can take sessions. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It tends to work. And then people, you know, like some people will ask like questions about what the values are, some people just automatically understand them. They're all just little cues that help me understand what they have going on beneath the surface.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. I love a good values inventory. And a lot of therapists use that as well. I would say most therapists use the values inventory. And and I do. I actually did recently. Um, I did with a couple, because you know, couples like you have like limited time with. Um, but I I I actually I I I do use the values inventory. So you'll have to send me the 300 one because I I like a long list. It is I'm a long list girly. So if you could send me that, that'd be great. So I have a very specific approach that I came up with.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And this is for people that actually struggle with the values inventory because I noticed that when I was using the values inventory, it must have been like when I was an intern or something. Yeah. Or just like very early on. And uh either clients were like, I don't resonate with any of them, or like they resonated with all of them, like you said, or they were obviously picking ones that they thought that they should. And they like couldn't really describe them. Yes. So for people that struggle with it, and not everybody does. There are people that you could also ask, what are your if you asked me, I could tell you. If I asked you, you would you would know. Yes.
SPEAKER_03But um because of the nature of what we do for a living.
SPEAKER_08Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And maybe we're privy to that.
SPEAKER_08And maybe if we didn't, we wouldn't know that. But so what I do is I I will have somebody think of and write down like five to ten people that they truly admire. So they can be anybody, they can be people that they know, they can be celebrities, they can be fictitious creatures. It does not matter. But people that they just like really like who this person is about. And then they go through that list and they write down a list of like five to seven qualities that all of those people share, or most of those people share.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08So are they all extremely kind? Are they all family-oriented? Are all of these people assertive? Are they stable? Are they empathetic? What are they? And then from that list, you choose like three to five of those qualities that resonate with you the most. And those are your core values.
SPEAKER_03I like that. Yeah. That's cool. That's smart.
SPEAKER_08And when I've done this with clients in the past, sometimes I've realized and they've realized like, oh, a huge core value of mine and what I admire in other people, I really want to have in my life, and I don't utilize that. Like I don't, my life doesn't align with this value and it needs to. You know what I mean? And so that's that's the hardest piece of core values isn't finding out what they are. It's now does my life align with that?
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08Does my work align with my core values? Absolutely. Does do my friends align with my core values? Does how I spend my time align with my core values? One that really stuck with me, and this was a very long time ago, but somebody really, really v valued people that were assertive. Yeah. And he was so not assertive. Yeah. And nothing about his life was assertive. Yeah. And it really showed us like that there was something missing that he wanted. Yeah. That he didn't have. So it was like a very core piece of his self concept that was like an emptiness that needed to be filled and he needed to be more assertive.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08And part of that was, you know, surrounding him by more assertive people, learning from them, and then figuring out small ways that he could be assertive in like all of these different aspects in his life. How can he align everything with that core value? You know? Yeah. So, like, for example, if you're if your core value, one of your core values is integrity and you're doing something that's like super skeezy you know, for a job, you are going to feel wrong in your life forever until you fix that. Absolutely. You know, until you can make that align with that value.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I feel like that's that's the same idea of like embodying it, right? Like, you know, are you, yes, you say this is the value. And so like I have my clients like choose, do you want, you know, one client would ask me, or occasionally clients have asked me, um, should I choose what I want now or should I choose like what I am now? Right. Like, should I choose like what I don't have or what I do have? And I just I let them decide how they're gonna do it. Um, and you can really see like the fracture in like how people's minds tell them they are or what they want or what they think they have or whatever, and then how they embody, right? So when I talk about the mind-body connection, I'm like looking at it on the whole of like, do you embody what you believe in? Right? Like, do you for all intentions?
SPEAKER_08That's a good way to say practice what you preach. Yes, that's that's a good way to describe it. Do you embody what you believe in and do you practice what you preach? Yeah, yeah. That that's why I can be very big on like the narrative approach too of like what is part of self-concept, right? It's it's a huge part of self-concept. What is the story that you tell yourself about yourself? And so physically, emotionally, spiritually, what what is that story that that you are telling yourself about yourself and also like who are the main characters? Who what are the themes? What are the motifs? You know, like like what what is that?
SPEAKER_03And what is your Bible story?
SPEAKER_08Yes. I feel like that can be a good activity sometimes too. I mean, it depends how your brain works. It and like, and usually my I I tend to have a lot of artist clients because I am an artist and I think that like truly they just you know come to you. Of course. Um, also psychology today, like say that like up front. And so I'll get a lot of people like that are kind of like that and have an artist mind, but the artist mind tends to really like that that approach too and understand the abstractness of that of like, yeah, like what is my story? Like what is and it's ever changing, like you can't just like write your story one day. Um, but I would encourage everybody to try. Yeah, write your fucking story, like could you? Yeah, you know, I love that. Like, ask yourself that like could I write my story? Yeah, right now would I know what to say? And it's not about being a good writer, it's not about writing something good, but could I genuinely like talk about myself for this long? You should be able to. Yeah, it that that doesn't make you self-centered. You should be able to talk about yourself for you know however long because you should always be the main character of your life.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08Like you I'm sure you've I have met people that like don't have main character energy, and I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, you're the main character of your life, and you're acting like it's somebody else. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03When I was when I was in that when I was in that that uh murder relationship, I definitely was not the main character of my life. And I remember like I would go to these therapy sessions and I would just talk for 50 minutes straight about him. That's all I talked about. That's it.
SPEAKER_06That was it.
SPEAKER_08And constantly And not even how you felt about him, just him.
SPEAKER_03I was just trying to analyze why he was doing what he was doing. Okay. I was trying to analyze, yeah. I think I was just terrified for my life, and I don't think he could tell that's what was going on. But like I would just talk about it, like trying to understand what it was. But that's because I was like, I I felt like I was being erased, like in live action, right? And then obviously murder attempt, and I'm like, oh, there's the mind body disconnect. My body was telling me my mind was like, I'm trying to make sense of it here. Yeah, you know, but even in therapy, I had erased myself, right? Yeah, and it it like it's very obvious, like when a person doesn't really have much to go off of, like they erase themselves, right? And so so erasure is a huge part of self-concept too. Like because we all have the capacity to erase ourselves, 100%, which means you all have the capacity to erase traits about yourself that you don't like. Yes. It means that we all have the option to let go of the things that hold us in place. Yes. And so I love this idea of like writing your life story, like, can you tell your story? Because there's multiple versions of your story that you can tell. The one that holds the realities of both who you are, who you want to be, what you're aspiring for, and things like that. The one where it's all the shitty things that people have said to you. Yeah. The one where it's what you wish you were a hundred percent of the time, and then the one that's like what you embody.
SPEAKER_08Right. Like there's those are all different like genres. Those are all different like genres of movies. Like one's like a Greek tragedy.
SPEAKER_06One could be a very uplifting romance. I love you're so right. Your self-concept is totally author.
SPEAKER_03You're not like everything about it is so real.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, I can't. I fuck. That's what that's what I that's what I mean when I'm like, I have to do it. I I literally have to do it. Okay, so getting deep with self-concept. We talked a little bit about this, but internalized beliefs.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_08I feel like that's how like the if we think about like childhood and attachment systems coming into play, that is the internalized beliefs piece of it. Absolutely. And they are so for those of you that don't know, internalized beliefs are the worst things that you think about yourself. Yes. They're like your deep dark secrets that like if anybody knew this, they would know like these absolutely disgusting things that I genuinely believe about myself.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And usually most of ours are not logical.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08However, they most of them are developed in childhood or later adolescence. So, so some of them can be, you know, developed in your ear. I mean, actually, no. They're they can be developed whenever, but most of them are developed earlier on. I feel like those are kind of the most important part of your self-concept. Yeah. Because those are the parts of you that are going to challenge all of the good things that you think about yourself. That is your negative self-talk, because we talked about self-talk is a very important part of self-concept. Those are the things that are going to challenge your positive self-talk and be like, no, that's not true. You actually suck.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08You know, and they can come from anything. A lot of times they come from words.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Which is, I am so big on the importance of words.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And your brain believes what it hears.
SPEAKER_08Your brain believes what it hears. Yeah, exactly. That's why, like, when someone says something like if a if a sixth grader comes home and they got bullied by someone and the parent is like, you're never gonna remember this in 20 years. You know what? Yes, the fuck you probably will.
SPEAKER_06Unfortunately, I'm here to say that, like, yes, you will. You could maybe not, but you could.
SPEAKER_08You definitely could. I certainly have a lot of my really bad internalized beliefs, actually, did come from uh bullying. It came from a lot of different things. But um, they they can be really, really bad, and they are the core of your self-concept. Yeah, they are your because they're your deepest beliefs, they are your longest beliefs, you they are your most familiar beliefs.
SPEAKER_03Yes, and they're also often really like primitive at the base, like I am bad. I am bad, yes, I am not enough, or I am too much. Like I'm unlovable basic. Yeah, like really or I'm unwanted, or I'm, you know, those are like they're very broad.
SPEAKER_08Yes, so it's very primitive. Yes, yeah. So that makes them very easy for anything to attach to that because they're so broad. Yes. Yeah, and like we talked about in the beginning. Filter for it. Yeah, yeah. Yes, yeah, they're a filter for the world. And like we talked about in the beginning, yeah. If if you see something through the filter of I am bad, you will find proof.
SPEAKER_03Easily, always.
SPEAKER_08You know, if you find it, but if you think manifestation is all about, it's what filter are you actually looking through, right?
SPEAKER_03Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_08For sure, but it's so much easier said than done. Oh my god, it's like one of the internalized belief if you can say like, oh, I'm just gonna have a different mindset, that's not it, guys. You need so much trauma processing in order to be able to actually challenge these internalized beliefs and actually be able to say, okay, there's no evidence for this. And yes, if you have a lot of mindfulness, you can go in and do that every single time. That's something that I have done. But I'm very good at mindfulness. A lot of people are not good at that. I think that for most people, it does take genuinely like really processing the trauma in order to be able to do that and to reframe it because the feelings surrounding the trauma need to be different.
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Like the body keeps the score.
SPEAKER_08The body keeps the score, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Is the trauma.
SPEAKER_08Yes, yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_03Your body has to be just as clear as your mind.
SPEAKER_08Yes. And that takes processing. So you you can't just decide that things are gonna be different. You can't just decide that something isn't gonna impact you anymore. And I think that that's what a lot of people do. That's a lot of people come to me being like, I don't want this to impact me anymore. I don't like fix this. And I'm like, Doug, it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that. This is processing, and yes, yes, we can change the feeling surrounding it, but most of that is you on you. And it's going to take time and it's going to take suffering too, because processing is suffering. It is. And nobody wants to do that.
SPEAKER_03I I ran into it like headfirst as much as the moment I learned that there's try I was like, all right, let's fucking go. Let's make this shit happen. Get out this, get this out of me. Yeah exorcise. Literally. Exorcise me. Like, get this shit out of me. I don't want this. I am bad for it. Exorcise. Exorcise me. I don't want people to think I'm saying exercise me.
SPEAKER_06Let me go on the elliptical. Can we coin that? Exorcise me. Hawk earlies. That's how you become a hawk girly. Exorcise me. Just so you know, if you take anything away from this episode.
SPEAKER_03Like, um, yeah, hot girl psychology, the exorcist. Yes, you need your trauma exorcised. Anyway. Um, so being exorcised is by far, yeah. That's that is what I wanted to have happen as soon as I was like, please just get the shit out of me. And I I tell all my clients, I'm like, you know, trauma processing sucks ass. It's painful, it's shitty, it's it sucks. But it's never 10 out of 10 bad. What you went through, according to your nervous system, what you went through is 10 out of 10 bad. That is what your nervous system is registering as 10 out of 10 bad. Processing through it, it can get up to 9 out of 10. That shit can fucking blow. That shit can suck the worst suck-ass suck it has ever sucked in the history of suck. But it'll never get out to 10 out of 10. It'll never get there because your nervous system has its baseline rupture, its baseline groove that was placed, the baseline trauma. And that's the worst that is the worst that you know. And that is why you can face it.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I feel like I'm coaching people and like hyping them up, like, girl, get that trauma out of your nervous system. Get it out. It is not worth it, right? Because that's how you become conscious. You like face the pain. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08You face the pain, but you also uh and you you face the internalized beliefs that are telling you the absolute worst things about yourself. And so sometimes I like to externalize like an inner critic. And and sometimes I do this. I actually did this way before I did parts work where I would externalize an inner critic and be like, what does that inner critic look like? You know, so that they could differentiate it from clients could differentiate the inner critic from themselves.
SPEAKER_09Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And be like, oh, this is like a weird, ugly monster, or sometimes the inner critic would look like silly or, you know, it just something that can't be taken seriously.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08And so that could make it easier, but it it still was very, very difficult to always, and it's difficult for me, it's difficult for everybody to deal with the thoughts that are so fucking embedded in PU.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Of like the this is who I am, this is who I am always going to be. Because it's all you've ever consciously known. I I feel very, very strongly that if you have any type of negative self-talk, yeah, or if you have depression, anxiety, OCD, a lot of these things will attach to your internalized beliefs.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And if they didn't have internalized beliefs to attach to, they might not be there or they might not be as present. I I feel that way. And they becomes like obsessed with that attachment. Yes. Yeah. And it amplifies for sure. So for example, if you get like winter depression or something, you know what I mean? Like it's just it's kind of physical, it's you know, uh, but it's situational, whatever. It can be really, it can literally just be like, ah, it's winter. Or if it has an internalized belief to attach to, if it has the internalized belief it has I am unlovable and I'll be alone forever, that's what it'll attach to. And that'll feel and that will feel re and that will make the depression really, really bad because now it the depression has a reason. You know what I mean? Like it has a reason or a rhyme. And your brain is also always looking for a reasonable rhyme.
SPEAKER_03Right. So it's it's trying to soothe the nervous system, and the nervous system is always screaming because the childhood trauma makes your nervous system scream 24-7. Right.
SPEAKER_08Anxiety very I mean anxiety even more so. Anxiety is always looking for a reason to exist. So, for example, like if you ever wake up with like a anxiety, like if you've ever drank the night before and you wake up and you're just like, ugh, you know what I mean? Yeah, that nervous system's all like Yeah, it's it's all it's all fucked up. But your body, you're dehydrated, there's there's so many different factors to it. Um, it could just be that. It could just be a physical discomfort. But if your nervous system can connect an internalized belief to this anxiety, it's just gonna run with it. It will, and it'll run with it. Absolutely. And so if the anxiety is like, uh it would like maybe it's death anxiety. So it's like, I have a health problem, I'm gonna, I'm gonna die. Now the whole day you're going to die. And then the next day you wake up and you're like, oh, that's that was weird. I'm fine. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because but your anxiety found a reason.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08You know what I mean? Because it found an internalized belief to attach to.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_08And those are the things that we really, really need to be challenging.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08And if you can challenge them on your own, great. I highly recommend challenging them with a mental health professional, though, because they're very, very deep. Yes. And they take a lot of work to it, it they also take a lot of time. You know what I mean? It this is not a quick fix.
SPEAKER_03You can't just And if you try to quick fix it, it hurts like hell. It hurts worse than you could imagine. I I did some I tried to do some quick fixes on myself once, and that was Yeah. It's too much, it's too much at once. It floods you, yeah. Yeah, no, it just, yeah, which is unfortunately just like a learning process. But yeah. That's why getting that help is super, super important.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, okay, so I have a I have a lighthearted question. Yes. How does uh style play into self-concept?
SPEAKER_03I love this question because I love being stylish. Um so I feel like it is for me a form of embodiment, right? So to me, it is an uh it's a nonverbal way of expressing aspects about myself that I can't get out through words. Um, it's a form of art, it's a form of expression, it's a form of like carrying myself. Um I've noticed that like I obviously dress differently in different scenarios. Like I would never be caught dead wearing this in front of a client, but it's very easy to wear this like to a podcast recording. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Well, maybe you're a little bit different of an archetype. You're slipping into a different archetype right now. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03No, that's a real thing. Um, yeah, because it's just like a different, it's a different form of expression, like expressing a different archetype, right?
SPEAKER_08Yeah. It's like a little bit of a different persona. You're still you. Yeah, it's yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, I feel like I have like if if I were to have like some form of DID, it would be evident through my fashion.
SPEAKER_06Like you can always tell. People might think that I have DID if they look at if they look at like my choices over the years. I definitely have hairstyles.
SPEAKER_03A partner accused me of it once, but I think I don't I don't know if it was real or not, but I was like, oh, interesting. Who knows? Who knew? You wouldn't by now. I feel like you're right. But more than anything, um, and I felt like my style has changed too, like over the years. Like there have been times where I've embraced um showing my body off more, showing it off less. There have been times where I've like embraced like fitting in with certain crowds or certain groups. I can always tell like how a relationship is going based on whether or not I'm choosing my own style or like I was, you know, choosing what they liked kind of thing. Um, or I was trying to like conform to them or like dress up to them or dress down to them. Yeah. Whatever it was. Like I would like my style would be very reactive historically. And now it's just circumstantial. Uh yeah. In a different way. That's not like so much reactive as more like, oh, this is what I want to wear for this. Like, this is who I feel like I am in this situation. Yeah. So for me, it's that nonverbal expression.
SPEAKER_08What about you? Yeah. I like that. I I really like the nonverbal expression. I think that I feel the same way. Yeah. And I think that that is it's kind of showing somebody your self-concept without telling them.
SPEAKER_03Yes, it's like letting yourself be naked without having to take anything off.
SPEAKER_08Exactly. Which is which is really, really cool to be able to do. Yeah. Yeah. And that's one of the reasons why I find it so important. And a lot of people around me have not found it as important, and that's fine. I, you know, that that's not a value of theirs, and that's okay. Yeah. But I like them to understand why it's so important to me. And it really is what you're saying. The the the self-concept piece of it, of being like, I want you to be able to know who I am because I'm not really somebody to walk up to you and just like tell you to just to talk about myself. I'll probably ask you more questions about you. But this is how I can tell you about myself.
SPEAKER_04Exactly.
SPEAKER_08You know, but yeah, I feel like it, it is very, very important. Mine has evolved so much throughout the years for sure. Mine's always been like pretty dark since like even when I didn't want it to be, it still showed up dark. That's the same way like I write and I don't want to like I've tried to like write a rom com. I'm like, why is this a dark romance every single time?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Um yeah. But like it just becomes that. And but that's okay. I'm like, that's that's me. That this is this part of me that I can't control and I shouldn't want to. And I should just like accept.
SPEAKER_07Yeah.
SPEAKER_08Instead of trying to change and instead of trying to battle. And so I like like to let that show up. Um, but we actually talked about this a little bit last last filming. And you said something to me, and you were like, you dress very soft feminine. It's very dark, but also very soft feminine.
SPEAKER_03No, a thousand percent. Like you're very soft feminine.
SPEAKER_08And I loved hearing that because that's exactly what I'm going for.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god.
SPEAKER_06So your self-concept is accurate, then that's what I'm trying.
SPEAKER_08Yes. I I want to dress for how I feel.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_08I want you to know how I feel because I'm not gonna tell you.
SPEAKER_03So I feel like you know, like I I feel like so. That's a really interesting like style philosophy. This idea, like I want you to know how I feel. Like, I want you to understand. I feel like my style philosophy is like I want you to know who I am before I even open my mouth. Yeah. I want you to know when I walk into a room, I want you to look at me because I want you to know exactly who the fuck I am. Yeah. And it's it's very much like a power thing, which I guess we should have talked about style during our power episode too. That would have been good. Maybe the maybe style could be an entire episode. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_06Oh god, we should like do it every season.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Girlies, if you want to hear about style, let us know. Yeah, DM us because but I I think that that could be a great thing to dive into more. But gosh, I have so many philosophies. But I it like steering it back to self-concept, I do think that it's such an important part of self-concept because that's your outer self-concept.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely. Right.
SPEAKER_08Is is how you can project who you are. Your self-concept is who you are internally, but any way that you can figure out how to project who you are, I think is really, really helpful.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08You know, so I my biggest tip for self-concept is journaling. Oh my god. You knew I was gonna say it. Yay, DNS said drilling. It's it's so important though. It it's and it's so useful. There, there's a really good journal out on they're not paying me to say this, but it's on Amazon and it's called the Growth Journal. A client of mine had it, and then I got it myself, and I recommend it to I recommended it to a bunch of friends of mine because it is really, really good. But it has such good self-concept questions and it starts super light, like the way that I do, and then it gets super deep. And I just I I I love that.
SPEAKER_02But it's actually really cool. Yeah, it's like a really neat product.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02What a what a cool what a cool idea.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. I've I've always wanted to, I I have a lot of feelings about self-concept, so I've always wanted to create a workbook and maybe I'll do that one day.
SPEAKER_03But it's maybe fucking will. Now that you just sealed it with a kiss into the universe by putting it on our podcast. Perhaps, perhaps. Upcoming 2027.
SPEAKER_06Yes. Maybe 2028.
SPEAKER_08I have there's a lot there's lots of things. Um, but yeah, do you have any final thoughts on self-concept?
SPEAKER_03I I'm obsessed with the idea of self-concept. I think it's great. I think that it's there's so many different ways that we express our self-concept with our words, with our thoughts, with the way we embody, the way we dress, the way we show up, the way we don't show up, the choices we make in our lives, the people we choose to have in our lives, the things that we do or don't do. Like we are constantly giving off and signaling and and amplifying the sound of our self-concept and at the same time almost like a fractal, internalizing it more and more and more. Yeah. Right. So like we're amplifying it and just swallowing it a whole at the same time. And it's something that's very um fluid and changeable. And I feel like what we've talked about today is like a lot of different aspects of self-concept that maybe people haven't considered before. And so I wonder if anybody can share other ideas of self-concept too with us. Yeah. At any point in time, y'all want to share.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, that would be absolutely great. It is one of the most important things in this world. Yes. Is your I mean, maybe it is the most important thing in this world to you, is your self-concept because, like you said, it it influences everything. It does. And it matters the most. It does.
SPEAKER_03It does. Yeah. It's extraordinarily important because who you say you are is who you become.
SPEAKER_08Yes.
SPEAKER_03Or who you body, or who you like whoever you are.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, it it really is who you say you are. Yeah. And uh it's it's who you say you are, it's how you feel, it's how you relate to the rest of the world.
SPEAKER_03Yes, it's your lens.
SPEAKER_08But it's also how you describe yourself. You you need to be able to describe yourself. It's not for everyone else, it's for you. Yes, you know, and uh get like really, really get to know yourself. Um if you are somebody that doesn't feel good about yourself, if you feel like you're constantly accepting things that you don't deserve, or if you simply feel like you're somebody that is uninteresting or not unique. I I find a lot of people like that.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08That is not true. You are interesting, you are unique, you just don't know yourself well enough. Get to know yourself. Well, tune in next week, girl is will where we will be talking about more hot girl things.
SPEAKER_02We love hot girl things.
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